Stand With Me
by FanficwriterGHC
Summary: Shot, hospitalized and confused, Katherine Beckett wakes up to a changing future. Richard Castle wants to protect her, love her, save her. But there are things she must face, and she can't make him the promises he needs. Post-Knockout continuation.
1. Chapter 1

**Title: Stand With Me**

**Disclaimer: I don't own Castle. Only the amazing Creative Team own those rights, and Andrew Marlowe, our King. **

**Summary: Shot, hospitalized and confused, Katherine Beckett wakes up to a changing future. Richard Castle wants to protect her, love her, save her. But there are things she must face, and she can't make him the promises he needs. Post-Knockout continuation. **

**Author's Note: This is my take on the repercussions of Knockout. I plan to go for as long as I can with it. I've read a number of interviews with Marlowe and I'm going to pick and choose what to throw in here, based on where he's said he wants to take the characters. However, it certainly won't ruin anything for you.**

**I hope you'll enjoy the ride with me. Comments are always welcome and appreciated.**

**Emma**

* * *

><p><strong>Chapter 1:<br>**

"Kate? Where's Kate? I need to see her. You let me through!"

She couldn't move and everything was fuzzy, but someone was yelling.

"You can't go in yet, Mr. Castle. She's not even awake ye…"

"That woman nearly died in _my_ arms. Let. Me. Through!"

He rarely sounded so angry. Why was he yelling? Why wouldn't they let him through? She wanted to see him. Where was she? Why did everything _hurt_?

"Mr. Cas…"

"Let him through," a new voice ordered.

Kate blinked as the door opened. Things were coming back into focus. Then a face swam into her line of sight. His face was splotchy and his eyes were crazed.

"Kate," he whispered, his hands gingerly coming up to cup her face. "You're awake."

She blinked. "C…" But she started coughing and the world was closing in on her and she couldn't stop.

Then gentle hands were propping her up and rubbing her back. She finally stopped coughing and then a straw was at her lips. She managed to gulp down some water, sighing as the cool liquid eased her dry and scratchy throat. "Wh…what happened?" she managed when he removed the cup.

"You don't remember?" he asked. He looked so worried and sad, expectant? What was _that _emotion?

"I…" she thought for a second. "I was giving the eulogy and then…" she closed her eyes as memories came flying back through her foggy mind. The shot, the hit, the fall. Rick screaming her name over and over as she felt blood pouring out of her side. "Kate. Stay with me, Kate. Don't leave me, please. Stay with me, okay? Kate, I love you. I love you, Kate."

"You," she opened her eyes.

"Don't," he smiled. "Not now. Just rest, Kate."

"But…"

"Or ask me questions. Not now. When you're healthy and out of here, and ordering me around again—we'll do it then. Now, just be, Kate."

"After…" she licked her cracked lips. "What happened after?"

He frowned. "Ryan and Esposito chased him down, but he was already in the wind. And you…you were so still and pale and losing all of this blood. And they came and took you away and wouldn't let me in the ambulance. My mother took Alexis home and Lanie and I got in a cab, but it took so long."

"What…where was I hit?" Everything hurt. Everything. Her head, her back, her neck, her stomach—nothing felt right.

"Your side, at the bottom of your liver," he recounted. "You lost so much blood. Oh, God, you lost so much blood."

"Hey," she said, shakily raising a hand to rest it on the arm that had fallen to her side. "I'm…alive."

"I know," he smiled. "I know. Now go to sleep."

"You…can't just…order me around…Castle," she sighed, even as her eyes fell shut and the weight of darkness pulled her back under.

* * *

><p>"At least a month."<p>

"She's not going to like that, Bro."

"I know."

"And with our mystery guy in the wind..."

"I know."

There was silence and she struggled to open her eyes. If she could just see them she could tell them to stop talking about her, or at least tell her what they knew. But she couldn't even open her mouth. Damn drugs.

"Have you called?"

"Hospital says he gets back from Timor tomorrow."

"So he's not even…"

"No. Not even on the continent."

"Castle, dude."

"It's not my choice to make."

"You know that sh…"

"Not here, guys." She managed to twitch her hand. "Looks like someone's waking up." Finally, her eyes opened. It took her about a minute to see straight. Esposito and Ryan smiled at her while Castle sat on the edge of her bed near her feet, one of his large hands coming to rest on her calf.

"How you doin?" he asked.

She got her mouth to open. "W..water," she rasped.

"Right!" Ryan bustled over and held the cup out for her to drink.

"Thanks," she said when she was done. "Who's in the wind?"

A look past amongst them. "Beckett, now's not the time," Ryan spoke after a moment.

"Ryan," she replied. "Tell me."

"We don't know anything," Esposito replied. "We chased him down six blocks, but he was gone. And Montgomery…" he trailed off.

"Right," she sighed, letting her head fall back. She'd been shot, and they had no idea who'd shot her. And the last person who knew was dead. He'd sacrificed himself for her.

The door creaked open. "Ah, Ms. Beckett. You're awake. Wonderful! I'm Dr. Sanders." Kate looked over at the perky Doctor.

"We'll just," Ryan and Esposito left quickly while Rick took his time standing and moving out of the way.

"You don't need to stay, Mr. Castle," the young woman smiled. "I've got her all taken care of."

Kate found Castle's eyes. She _hated_ hospitals. She hated being prodded and poked and inspected. And she didn't even really know what the hell was wrong with her. Everything was still hazy and she definitely had more drugs in her system than fluid or food.

"If it doesn't bother Detective Beckett, I'll stay," he replied, something in his eyes softening as he seemed to understand.

"Look, Mr. Castle," the young woman turned around. "I understand that you 'shadow' Detective Beckett. But don't you think this is going a bit too far?"

Castle's eyes widened. "Um, I'm not trying to _observe_ Detective Beckett…"

"Then you can get out," the woman said with a false sweetness that didn't quite cover the abrupt dismissal.

Castle looked at her and then at Kate. She couldn't ask him to stay; the woman was bound to take her gown off. But she didn't want him to leave.

"I'll get out, then. Uh, let me know when you're done. Detective Beckett and I have things to…"

"Yes, thank you," the Doctor interrupted.

Castle raised his eyebrows but then backed toward the door, maintaining eye contact with Kate. She saw it—the desire to stay, to protect, to comfort. She gave him a weak smile and watched as he left and the door shut.

"Goodness, I thought he'd never leave. Sit up a bit, if you can," the Doctor ordered. "I mean, I get that he's shadowing you, but really, trying to pass that off as an excuse to see you naked is just wrong."

"Oh, Castle wouldn't use…" Kate began, before the pain of sitting up caused her to inhale her words.

"Yes, I'll bet that does twinge a bit." She might stab this woman. "Has anyone been by to brief you about this yet?"

"C…Castle told me it was my…ah!...my liver," Kate panted as they removed her dressing gown and the Doctor helped her lean back into the pillows.

"Yes, I suppose he got some of it right," the woman muttered. "The shot entered at the lowest part of your liver, which is lucky. We were able to repair the damage. You've had some serious blood loss and the surgery was quite invasive, so you'll be out of commission for a while."

"Bout a month, I hear," Kate winced as the bandages were removed. She looked down and fought the urge to gasp at her own wound. It looked horrible. There must have been forty stitches and the skin surrounding the former bullet hole was blue and purple.

"A month sounds about right. And yes, it does look pretty bad. But, as I understand it, you've got a medic who can take care of you."

Kate blinked. "Yeah, I guess Lanie wouldn't mind helping me…"

"Lanie?"

"Who are you talking about?" Kate asked.

"Who are you talking about?"

"My friend Lanie is the ME at the 12th, where I work. Who were you talking about?"

"Josh."

Kate's eyes widened. "You…you know Josh?"

"You do know what hospital you're at, right?" Kate shook her head slowly. "Josh is head of the surgical team here."

"He's in East Timor."

"I know. Which is a shame. I'm sure he would have jumped at the chance to operate on you."

Kate considered the young woman. "Have we met?"

"Julie Sanders. I think we did, once, at a benefit. But you've just been shot. I don't expect you to remember." Kate gave her a weak smile and then closed her eyes as the young surgeon tended to her injury. "So, can I ask you something?"

Kate opened her eyes. "I guess."

"Why is that writer still following you?"

"Excuse me?"

"I mean, you must know how much it bothers Josh."

Kate couldn't wrap her head around it. Of all of the hospitals, and all of the Doctors, she had to get the one that didn't know. Granted, no one knew. And where the hell did she get off talking about Castle like some piece of tag-along-trash?

"The Writer's my Partner."

"Doesn't sound like a great situation. Doesn't he get annoying? I mean, he's been hanging around here like some puppy for the past few days."

"Days?" Kate interjected.

"You've been in and out of it, but haven't really woken since yesterday."

"How long was I out before that?"

"About six hours after surgery."

"So he was here?" she asked.

Sanders tutted. "Just sat in that waiting room. Your father's been by. He'll be coming back later. And those other Detectives…you know, no one but your father is supposed to be in here."

"They're my team," Kate replied. "They get to see me. The writer too."

The woman looked at her. "I hope you know what you could be throwing away." Then she left.

Kate glanced down at her stomach and realized that she'd been cleaned, bandaged, and reported, judging by the clipboard at the bottom of the bed. Who was that woman?

"You decent?" Castle called from the doorway.

Kate looked down. She really didn't want to put the gown back on. And she was fairly certain that she couldn't do it alone. "Uh…sort of," she replied. She was wearing a bra.

"Do you want me to wait?"

Kate blew out a breath. "No, I want you to come help me get the damn gown on."

She heard him laugh and watched as he came in, apprehensive. He surprised her as his eyes never fell away from her face while he approached. She tiredly held up the gown and he helped her slip her arms back into it. Then he stepped back and brushed a piece of hair out of her face.

"How'd it go?"

"She's…she's horrible," Kate replied, giving him a weak smile. "Thanks."

"Not a problem. And yeah, was it just me, or was she _mean_?"

Kate laughed. "She was."

"Any idea why she obviously hates me? I've never met that woman before."

Kate shook her head. Now was not the time to get into all of it. "I guess she missed the seminar on bedside manner."

He nodded and pulled up a chair so that he could sit next to her bed. "Are you feeling alright? Do you need meds or anything?"

"I'm okay," Kate replied. She was. She honestly could barely feel anything. "I want to stay awake. She said I've been out for a while."

"Since yesterday," he nodded. "Your Dad came by. He'll be back soon. And Mother and Alexis came through last night." He pointed to some flowers Kate hadn't realized were there.

"Thank them for me?" she asked.

"Of course."

They were silent for a few minutes.

"What's going on, Castle?"

He considered her. "They're looking for someone to replace Montgomery over at the 12th. Ryan and Esposito just went back to try and run some leads. It's a mess."

"I'll bet. Roy's family?"

He sighed. "They're distraught. Jenny's with them and they've got the rest of their extended there too, and a protective detail. You've got one too."

Kate nodded slowly. "I'll have one for a while."

"You sure as hell will," he replied.

"Hey, I'm okay, Castle," she said, noticing the stress that still hadn't fallen away from his face.

"You're in a hospital bed, Kate."

"But I'm alive, and with some physical therapy and a host of meds, I'll be just fine in a month."

He looked up at her. "I saw the lights go out."

"Oh, Castle."

"Right there. I couldn't do anything to help you. Ryan got pressure on the wound and we kept calling for you, but you wouldn't wake up."

"But the ambulance came in time," she reminded. He looked far away, reliving the event.

"And we couldn't ride with you. And there was so much traffic and chaos." He looked up at her from the chair. "Never, ever, do that again."

She couldn't decide whether to cry or laugh. "I'll do my best, Castle."

His face hardened. "Your best isn't good enough. I can't take that again, Kate. I can't lose you again."

"Castle…"

There was a knock on the door. "Kate?" Her father's head popped through the doorway. "Do you two need a minute?"

Castle shook his head while Kate nodded.

"I'll, uh, be out here," Jim said, glancing between them before he disappeared and the door closed.

"Castle…"

"No, Kate. Not right now, okay?" he stood and leaned over to press his lips to her forehead. "Right now, you need to focus on getting better."

"We're not done talking about this," she said as he pulled away.

"Oh, I know," he gave her a sad smile. "But I'm not fighting with you today."

"What makes you think you'll be fighting with me?"

He just looked at her for a long moment. "He's still out there. He'll be coming after you. And I don't believe for a minute that a gunshot wound is going to make you think twice about throwing yourself back into it."

"I'm not even…"

"I know you're not thinking about it now—which is what you need. But, when you do start thinking about it, we're going to revisit this conversation."

Something settled in the pit of her stomach. "Castle, Rick, I can't prom…"

"Not now," he said, this time with more conviction. "Now, talk to your Dad. I'll be back later, okay?"

She gave him a weak nod and watched as he walked out of the room. Unease filled her. Something was wrong, and no one was telling her. Rick knew things. And she was stuck in a damn bed, stitched up and sore. Hell of a day.


	2. Chapter 2

**Title: Stand With Me**

**Disclaimer: I still don't own _Castle_. But I'm always open to offers of employment from the Creative Team. Takers? Eh, eh?**

**Summary: Shot, hospitalized and confused, Katherine Beckett wakes up to a changing future. Richard Castle wants to protect her, love her, save her. But there are things she must face, and she can't make him the promises he needs. Post-Knockout continuation. **

**Author's Note: This is a short scene. I'll have a much longer chapter ready for 10pm on Monday (just like _Castle_, if we still had that to look forward to). But, I wanted to write this and put it out. So, here it is. **

**Thank you to everyone who has reviewed and signed up for updates and favorited this story. Your support has been overwhelming and deeply gratifying. You guys have MADE my week. Thank you.**

**And, as ever, comments and input are **_**always**_** appreciated and admired. **

**Emma**

* * *

><p><strong>Chapter 2:<strong>

"Castle."

"Hmmm?"

"Why are you still here?"

It was late. Everyone had gone home, including most of the hospital staff. Lanie, Esposito, Ryan, her Father, Alexis and Martha had all stopped by to visit throughout the day and it had kept her relatively occupied, when she wasn't dozing off while they were talking to her. But, throughout it all, Castle had been there, hovering at the door, finding her more edible liquid food, and interfacing with the nurses when she was in too much pain to be anything less than a bitch. To her knowledge, he hadn't yet left the hospital, and it was going on midnight.

"What makes you think I'm leaving?"

"Castle," she admonished just as a yawn hit her full force.

"Looks like you're about ready to fall asleep," he said quietly.

She looked over at him where he was sitting in an uncomfortable chair, his feet propped up on the small coffee table, laptop open in his lap and his head cushioned against the wall by a pillow he'd charmed out of one of the nurses. She was exhausted, but she really did not want to sleep. The two nights between Montgomery's death and the funeral had been plagued with nightmares, and she had been so drugged for the other that she couldn't have dreamt if she'd wanted to. But now, she was faced with a night of non-medicine-induced coma, and she was terrified.

"I'm not tired," she shrugged, ignoring the jolt of pain it sent across her abdomen. Don't move the shoulders.

"Liar," he countered, looking up from his writing. "You've been pretending to read that book for a solid hour now."

"So I'm distracted," she mumbled.

"You're exhausted."

She blew out a breath. "Why are you still here?"

"I'm not going to leave you alone," he replied easily, smiling as she frowned. "So go to sleep."

"You're not going to stay there all night."

"Why?"

"Castle, this is a hospital. There's protocol."

He grinned. "Nothing a little charm and a signed book can't fix."

She rolled her eyes and let her head fall back so that she was staring at the ceiling. "You honestly don't have to stay. I'm fine." She heard him shuffling around and after a moment, the bed dipped as he sat down on the edge by her hand. She picked her head back up and looked at him as he took her book and placed it on the side table.

"You are so far from fine, Kate."

"How would you know, Castle?" she asked, her voice a bit rougher and sharper than she really meant it to be. "How would you know how I am? Last time I checked, I was the one in the hospital bed."

His eyes darkened. "And I was the one who watched you die in my arms, so don't give me that crap." His tone shocked her. She hadn't meant to upset him. "You've been doing everything possible to stay awake all day, and you're exhausted, Kate. I'd be worried about you even if you weren't in the damn hospital."

"Castle…"

"What we just went through, what you just went through—Kate, this is the kind of stuff that _breaks_ people."

"I know that, Castle," she snapped.

"I don't want to see you broken, Kate. I already watched you die."

"I'm not breaking, Castle." She wanted him to stop looking at her like that. It was the same way he'd looked at her on the car, when he'd had to hold her up because she _had_ broken. He'd seen her broken. But she wouldn't break anymore. There wasn't anything left to break. "I'm fine. I'll be fine. And you need to go home to your family. Have you talked to Alexis? Have you thought about how this must be affecting her?"

His gaze hardened. "Of course I've talked to her," he replied, his tone just as sharp as hers. "We spent about five hours together today while you were in here with Ryan, Esposito, Lanie, your Father and my Mother. She's shaken, and she's worried about you, and upset about Montgomery, but she's okay. She has school in the morning, and Mother is making sure that she's alright. She told me to stay with you, as a matter of fact."

Kate's eyes widened as his tirade progressed. Again, she hadn't meant to make him mad. She just…she needed him to leave so that he wouldn't see her waking up screaming, or sweating or writhing in the middle of the night. He couldn't see her like that anymore. If he did, he'd just…he'd…he'd never see her as extraordinary again.

"Sorry," she mumbled as he finished speaking. "I didn't mean to imply that…"

"No, you're trying to get me to leave, and doing a pretty good job. But," his face brightened and he gave her his best smile. "I'm not leaving. So I suggest you stop trying to get me to give up. I'm winning this one."

She glared at him. "Seriously? You're going to sleep in that chair?"

His gaze changed again. "What makes you think I'll be sleeping?"

"Oh, don't tell me you're here to 'protect me' again? Castle, I'm _fine_. I don't need protection."

"Just stop it, Kate," he cut in. "Stop pretending that you're not hurting, and tired, and scared, and sad and upset, okay? I know that you're not super woman. I don't need you to be super woman. I just want you to sleep so that you can get out of here and I don't have to come see you sitting in this bed with all of the damn tubes sticking out of you!"

She just gaped at him. "Castle…"

He took a deep breath and ran his hands over his face. "I'm sorry."

"Wha?" He was shifting between things so quickly that she could barely keep up.

"I'm upset, and I'm taking it out on you, and that's…that's not alright at all."

"No, Castle, I…"

"You're the one in the bed with the gunshot wound, and yeah, I want you to sleep, but I shouldn't have dumped all that on you."

"You didn't…"

"Kate." He just wouldn't let her talk. "I'm sorry. I do want you to sleep though. I want you to get better."

"Me too," she managed.

He smiled. "Okay. So. What can I do to help?"

"Other than leaving."

"Yes, other than that."

She sighed. "I don't know, Castle."

"What's stopping you?"

The nightmares. The terror. The earth-shattering sadness. Her mentor had just died. He'd betrayed her, redeemed himself, fought for her, died for her—Montgomery had given his life for hers and she'd never see him again. Her mother's killer, the string puller, was still out there, and she was stuck in here, taped up and tubed. She knew that no matter what, she would not sleep through this night.

But what should she tell Castle? He didn't 'need her to be superwoman.' But she…everything hurt. Her head, her heart, her mind—everything felt more broken than it could ever be. But this man, sitting there on the edge of the bed, he could break every single piece of her if he tried. She wanted…she'd said that she wanted to stand with him. She did. But now…now she couldn't even stand on her own. And if she couldn't stand on her own…

"Hey, you with me?"

She met his eyes. "I…yeah. I don't know, Castle."

"Did you have nightmares the first night?" he asked after a minute. She felt her eyes widen. "I did," he continued. "Montgomery dying, you dying, Alexis, my mother—everyone. And I had to watch all of you die."

"Oh, Castle," she whispered.

"It was awful. Really, really awful. I barely slept at all the next night, before the funeral."

"Have you slept at all since?" she asked quietly.

He looked over at her. "A bit."

"Liar."

He gave her a gentle smile. "I've been trying, I promise. Could you do the same?"

Oh, that was unfair. "Castle…"

"You can have nightmares, you know." She blinked. "I'm sure you have them, and I'm sure this isn't the first time. But, I'll be here."

"What, so I can wake you from the first good sleep you've gotten in four days? No, Castle." The words tumbled out of her mouth. She was so tired that she couldn't even control her thoughts to keep them from becoming speech.

His gaze softened. "Just let yourself sleep, Kate. I'll be here, and you won't wake me. I don't even know that I _can_ fall asleep."

"Rick," she whispered, finding his hand. He looked so exhausted and she just wanted…what did she want? Isn't this what he was trying to do for her?

"We're quite the team," he smiled. She gave a very tired laugh. "Come on, Kate, just let go," he whispered, rising to stand near her head. He ran a hand through her hair and leaned in to press a kiss to her temple. "I'll be right there. Let me know if you need _anything_."

He smiled and then stepped back, retreating to his corner and picking up his laptop. She felt herself wilting, all of the strength, the fight, the resolve just rushing out of her. Damn him. She wouldn't give in. She didn't want to.

"What are you writing?" she asked, forcing her eyes to stay open even as they tried to fall shut.

"Hey, sleep."

"Castle."

"I'm…just scenes, Kate. I don't know if they'll ever make it into any of the books."

Her brow wrinkled as she yawned. "Nikki Heat?"

He shrugged. "Sort of."

"What does that mean?"

"You take out your frustration at the shooting range, I take it out on the page. Now go to sleep."

"Stop ordering me around, Castle," Kate replied half-heartedly. At least they were on a more even keel now. Joking was normal. Joking was real. Joking was _them_.

He laughed. "Just try, Kate." She glared at him but couldn't really put her heart into it. She was so tired. "Close your eyes."

She wanted to come back with a snippy retort, but her eyes were falling mutinously shut and moments later, she was pulled under.


	3. Chapter 3

**Title: Stand With Me**

**Disclaimer: I still don't own Castle. But I'm always open to offers of employment from the Creative Team. Takers? Eh, eh?**

**Summary: Shot, hospitalized and confused, Katherine Beckett wakes up to a changing future. Richard Castle wants to protect her, love her, save her. But there are things she must face, and she can't make him the promises he needs. Post-Knockout continuation. **

**Author's Note: So, here we are folks, on our first non-Castle Monday of the summer. In honor of that, which is no honor at all, I offer my humble substitute. **

**The plot thickens, new characters emerge, old ones return, and we all learn a new word (see note at the bottom). **

**Comments and reviews are **_**always**_** appreciated. Seriously. They make my day.**

**Emma**

* * *

><p><strong>Chapter 3:<strong>

Kate hissed and opened her eyes, pain shooting up and down her torso. She blinked and came face to face with Dr. Sanders.

"Sorry," the woman gave her a grimaced smile. Kate felt a new dressing being pressed into her skin and bit her lip as more pain coursed along her stomach. "I was hoping to get you changed while you were still out. I'm almost done."

Kate was still too bleary to come up with a good response, so she merely nodded. She glanced over to where Castle had been sitting when she'd fallen asleep and let out a breath she didn't know she'd been holding when she spotted his laptop still open. Had he slept at all? Her mental questions were interrupted as she gave a last gasp of pain.

"There!" the Doctor said happily. "All cleaned up. I'll have someone come in with food soon."

"Thanks," Kate groaned as they propped her up against the pillows so that she was sitting. "What time is it?"

"About 9:30." She turned and looked at the table with Castle's things on it. "You know, you really ought to send him home every once and a while."

"Yeah, you give that a shot—see how it goes."

Sanders raised an eyebrow. "Not so happy to have our shadow here permanently?"

Honestly, who _was_ this woman? "I'm not implying anything of the sort," Kate said evenly. "Once Castle's decided on something, very few people can deter him, and as I'm currently the one in the hospital bed, odds for getting him to leave are slim."

"Hmm," was the only reply. "Well, I'll get out of your way. We'll have a post-op consultation later in the day."

"Great," Kate replied with false enthusiasm. "Can't wait."

Sanders considered her for a moment before shrugging and leaving her alone. Kate let out a long breath. She really didn't like that woman.

There was a knock on the door.

"Come in," she called. Castle's smiling face greeted her a moment later as he strode in, arms laden with trays and bags. "What's all that?"

Castle grinned, setting everything down on the tray at the end of her bed. "This, my dear Detective, is a smorgasbord of gift-shop goodies," he explained as he began unloading the numerous bags. "I got a chess set, a scrabble board, three new mystery novels—not up to your usual standards, but they'll do—a deck of cards, some magazines, a disposable camera and," he pulled the last item out of the bag, "some flowers."

Kate tried and failed conceal her smile. Leave it to Castle to completely plunder the gift shop. "Thanks, Castle," she said quietly.

He smiled. "It's no problem. Dr. Mc-Evil Eyes kicked me out while you were asleep, and I figured I'd make myself useful, since it's still early. I got some food too," he added as he pulled up a second bag. "You're not cleared for much, but I got you a Gatorade."

He handed it to her and she beamed in thanks. She was sick of water and ice chips, and even something as vile as Gatorade sounded heavenly. She quickly removed the top and took a small gulp. Was this what she'd been reduced to—getting excited over Gatorade?

"Better?" he asked, watching her take cautious sips.

"Much," she replied honestly.

"So, what first?" he asked, gesturing to the array of games. "I'm always partial to poker."

She observed the dark circles under his eyes and slightly over excited expression. He'd definitely had more than one cup of coffee already, and he'd changed, somehow, and showered. Kate briefly considered telling him to go home and leave her alone, but…but she had no desire to stay alone in the hospital while her friends were at work. And Castle was nothing if not annoyingly entertaining.

"How bout I whip your ass at Scrabble, and we go from there?"

He chuckled. "Oh, Detective, your audacity is shocking. I'm an author. You really want to go for the one game in which I have the dominant upper hand?"

Well, after a challenge like that. "Let's put your money where your mouth is, Writer Boy."

…...

"That's not a word."

"It is," Kate defended.

"No, it's not."

"It is so too!"

"Gowpen is not a word."

"It is! It's old Scottish."

"I don't believe you."

"Castle!" Kate growled.

"Excuse me," a voice broke into their argument and they turned to meet an unfamiliar face. The woman was dressed in a pants-suite and was wearing a badge.

"Oh, uh, sorry," Kate stammered, shooting a glare at Castle; their bickering must have covered her knock.

The woman appraised her. "My name is Captain Adriane Raymond, I'm here to see Detective Beckett."

"That's me," Kate replied, sitting up as best she could. "And this is…"

"Richard Castle, famous author-turned-ride-along," she supplied.

"Yes," Castle stood and extended a hand to the woman, who took it hesitantly. "Pleased to meet you."

"And yourself," she replied. "Now, if I could have a word alone with Detective Beckett…"

"Actually," Kate glanced at Castle. "If this is about the 12th, he should probably stay."

"This is official Precinct business." Apparently, it wasn't up for negotiation.

"You can, um, you can fill me in, Detective," Castle said after a pause. "I'll be outside."

They watched as he left. Kate had a sinking feeling about this. Castle was her Partner. If this was about the new Captain at the Precinct, he should be in here.

"I suppose I should introduce myself," Raymond smiled. Kate gave her a small smile in return. "I'm your new Captain."

Kate blinked. "That's great," she replied. And Castle couldn't have been in the room because?

"Now, Detective, I understand that you'll be down for the count for quite a while."

"A month, so I'm told," Kate replied, jarred by the quick change of conversation.

"Of recuperation. It'll be at least two before you're ready to go back into the field," the woman replied a bit dismissively. Kate blanched but didn't let it show. That meant a _month_ of desk duty. Damn. "It's fine. We have more than enough people to cover for you. I'm thinking of bringing a few people in. When you're better, we could start discussing Partners, if you're interested."

"I already have a Partner," Kate replied.

"Mr. Castle?"

"Yes."

They met each other's eyes. "Mr. Castle is a civilian."

"He's been with my team for three years, and our closure rate has never been better," Kate said evenly. _This_ was not up for negotiation.

"You've also had a number of extremely close calls, which all somehow circle back to said 'Partner.' I have a huge list of pros and cons drawn up already based on my reading of your past three years." Kate opened her mouth to argue. "Now, I'm not making an official ruling," Raymond held up her hands. "I'm just telling you that a time will come in which we discuss this further. However, I don't think now is the that time."

Kate merely nodded, her jaw tight.

"I simply wanted to come introduce myself. Obviously, we won't see much of each other for a few more weeks, in which I want you to rest—actually rest. I've heard tell of your work ethic, and while I'm impressed and excited to have you back, I want you to start in full condition. Understood?"

"Yes, Captain," Kate replied.

"Good," Raymond smiled. "Now, relax Detective. And you're right, gowpen is a word."

"I…thanks?"

"You're welcome. I have to get back to the Station—new training and set up to get to—but I look forward to spending more time with you. Your team, Detectives Ryan and Esposito have been doing quite well. They already have some leads on this case that…well, you know," she said quietly. Kate had heard of Raymond, and she knew that she and Montgomery had probably crossed paths at some point or another. "However, I don't want to hear about you getting involved, understood?"

"Yes, Captain," Kate replied, this time with less conviction. She grimaced as her side ached.

"We can discuss all of this at a later date. I merely wanted to meet you. I'll be going. Have a nice day, Detective, and get well soon."

With that, she turned on her heel and left the room. Kate stared after her, utterly perplexed. She'd just been reprimanded, complimented and doubted by her new Captain, all in the span of about four minutes. She stared at the door, trying to make sense of it. The most glaring part of the whole encounter was the 'Castle issue.' And that would gnaw at her.

Said issue popped his head back in after a few minutes. "All clear?"

"Yeah," Kate said with a sigh.

He returned to the side of her bed and sat down by her feet, where he'd been camped out while they played Scrabble. The board was still sitting on her thighs, as if the entire encounter had never happened.

"So, what did she say?"

Kate was so confused by it that she couldn't find the presence of mind to torture him with the information.

"She's the new Captain."

"Huh."

"Yeah, that about sums it up," Kate nodded.

"Why did I need to leave?"

Kate bit her lip. Should she tell him? "She…she wanted to talk to me about the Station, the boys, the case, and…"

"And?"

She wouldn't be able to keep this one in. And maybe if Castle knew, it would give him more of a shot. As much as she hated to admit it, he _could_ be pretty charming when he tried. "And you."

"Me?"

"She offered me a Partner." She watched as he took that in. His face fell, not a lot, but enough for her to notice. "I told her I already had one."

His eyes snapped up to meet hers. "What did she say?"

"That you were a civilian."

"So she'll be the one pointing out the obvious facts, then?" he asked, grinning.

Kate laughed despite herself. "Yeah. Nothing 'official,' has been said or decided, but I don't think everything's going to be the same when we go back."

"And how long is that, speaking of?" he asked.

"Two months. One for recuperation, and a full month of desk duty. So it'll be two months for you."

He scoffed. "You underestimate my ability to creepily watch you."

"I will not let you come to the Precinct every day to watch me do paperwork."

"But Beckett," he whined. "I'll be so bored!"

"You have an actual job, you know," she replied, schooling her features into a disapproving look. "You might think about doing it."

"That's it!" he said excitedly.

"What's it?"

"I can bring my laptop. You'll do paperwork, and I'll write. It'll be perfect."

Kate rolled her eyes. "No, Castle."

"Why not? It's perfect."

"It's still creepy."

"Lies."

"Castle."

"How about we keep playing, then, if you're not interested in accepting my awesome idea now?"

"What, you think you can distract me into accepting it? You're deluded, Castle."

He grinned. "I have a whole month to sway your vote, Detective. Now, we were discussing the merits—which don't exist—of your imaginary word, 'gowpen,' weren't we?"

"It's a word, Castle."

"Is not."

"Is too."

…...

"Kate? Kate!"

It couldn't be…

"Tell me where Detective Kate Beckett is, _now_!" they heard a voice bark in the hall.

Both Kate and Castle stared out into the hall, their game of rummy forgotten on the sheets. After a moment, the voice had a face.

"Josh?" Kate asked quietly as he ran into the room and over to the head of her bed, his eyes frantic. She turned to look at him but was distracted by Castle quietly standing and walking out of the room, closing the door behind him. She didn't miss the slump of his shoulders. Damn.

Then a shaky intake of breath brought her back to the man by her bedside.

"What happened?" he asked, his hands opening and closing into fists at his sides, as if he was itching to touch her.

"I got shot," she replied slowly. "What are you doing here?"

"I…he…the call. Kate, what the hell happened?"

She sighed. "It's a very long story, Josh."

He pulled up a chair and sat down, finally losing his battle as he reached for her hand and took it into both of his. She was so shell shocked that she couldn't remember to pull her hand away.

"I'm here. I'm listening," he said quietly.

Here. 'I'm _here_.' She suddenly wanted her hand back and gently removed it from his. His face fell but he continued to stare up at her, waiting, listening.

"Captain Montgomery was shot four days ago," Kate said quietly.

"Oh, Kate. I'm so sorry," he whispered.

"Thanks." She knew her voice held no emotion. Roy went in that box with Royce and her Mother and her Father's alcoholism—the stoic, don't-show-fear box.

"Were you in the take-down?" he asked after a moment.

No. No, she hadn't been. She had been pinned to a car, weeping into Richard Castle's neck while he cried into her hair and muffled her sobs. "No," she shook her head.

"When then?"

"At the funeral."

"Kate," he gasped.

"It's a long story," she shrugged. "But, I'm okay. A month of recovery or so and then a month of desk duty and I'll be back to kicking ass."

"Are you sure you want to go back?"

She stared at him. "What?"

"My offer still stands, Kate. Come to Haiti with me. They re-upped my offer, for a full year. You'd love it, I know you would. And we could…it wouldn't have to be over."

"Josh," she sighed, raising her hand to run it through his hair, something she knew calmed him. "No."

"Kate, please," he implored, reaching up to grab her hand as she let it fall away. "Please. Come with me. I don't want to come back next time and find out that you've died."

She sighed and looked up at the ceiling. Saying goodbye had been bad enough. Now she had to do it again? She had to rip his heart out _again_?

Their break-up had been quiet. He wanted to travel, and she wouldn't go with him. She hadn't told him that the bigger thing, the reason, the _real_ reason, was that he couldn't _be there_ even when he was there with her. He wasn't the right person. He wasn't her 'one-and-done.' She knew that. And whether there was someone waiting who might be that guy, was really irrelevant.

"Josh, no. I'm sorry. I really am. You're amazing. But this is me. I'm a cop. I can't give that up any more than you can give up being a Doctor."

"But Kate," he pleaded. "You could die next time."

"I know," she whispered. "I know, but…I have to do this Josh. And you have to go save people."

"Please, Kate."

"No," she said quietly.

He nodded and squeezed her hand. "Are you okay? Where were you shot? Who's on the surgical team?"

She gave him a sad smile. Doctor mode. Coping method. "I'm fine. The shot hit the bottom of my liver. I've had extensive reconstruction and blood loss, but I'm on meds and I'm getting better. Your girl Sanders was my attending."

"My girl Sanders?"

"She's…let's just say that she's a bit protective of you," Kate laughed.

"Oh," he blushed. "Yeah, she's…she's been a handful."

"You never told me about her," Kate smiled.

"Of course not!" he laughed. "Oh, Kate, so good to see you. Sorry I'm late, I was caught up trying to get away from a crazy surgeon who may, or may not, have plans to try to seduce me."

They laughed quietly, sadly. "I'm really okay, Josh."

"I know," he murmured. "I just wanted to make sure. When he…I knew it was bad when I got the voicemail."

"Who called you?"

"Castle."

Shit. "Oh."

"He sounded devastated, Kate. I know I haven't met him much, but…I've never heard a man that shaken."

Kate nodded. "He…he tried to get me out of the way. He was there."

"Watching you die."

"Yeah."

"He was _there_," he said quietly. Kate nodded.

They were silent for a long time, until Josh's pager beeped. He looked down at it and sighed, removing his hand from hers. "That's…"

"Go, Josh," she gave him a smile. "Go save people."

He stood and leaned down to brush a kiss over her cheek. "You get better, Kate."

"I will."

"I guess…I guess I'll see you around?" he asked as he stood at the door.

"Between missions, yeah," Kate smiled. "Be happy, Josh."

"You too," he said quietly. "And I'll change your surgeon."

"Thank you," she laughed.

"Get well, Kate."

Then he was gone, leaving the door open behind him. Kate watched him go and then caught a glimpse of Castle, sitting in the waiting room, his head in his hands. _He'd_ called Josh.

"The same way you hide in these nowhere relationships with men _you don't love_."

She sighed and closed her eyes letting her head fall back on the pillow behind her. Josh, Castle, the hit, the unidentified murder, the new Captain—it was all too much. She felt a tear leak from under her eye and she balled her hands into fists, taking a deep, slow breath. She owed him answers.

* * *

><p>"<strong>Gowpen"<strong>

**Definition: Noun—** **A ****bowl**** made of two ****hands**** cupped together.**


	4. Chapter 4

**Title: Stand With Me**

**Disclaimer: I still don't own Castle. But I'm always open to offers of employment from the Creative Team. Takers? Eh, eh?**

**Summary: Shot, hospitalized and confused, Katherine Beckett wakes up to a changing future. Richard Castle wants to protect her, love her, save her. But there are things she must face, and she can't make him the promises he needs. Post-Knockout continuation. **

**Author's Note: Our second Non-Castle Monday. Sigh. So, here is the continuation of my Season Four story. I hope you enjoy it. Lemme know what you think.**

**Emma  
><strong>

* * *

><p><strong>Chapter 4:<br>**

"Katiebear?"

Kate looked up from the spot on the wall she'd been staring at and found her father in the doorway.

"Hey, Dad."

"Just thought I'd drop by, see how you're doing."

She gave him a soft smile. "I'm doing okay."

He walked into the room and came to take the chair Josh had left by her bed. Castle still hadn't come back.

"You know, I think you're lying to me," Jim said quietly, looking up at her.

"Dad."

"How are you really feeling, Kate?"

"I got shot, Dad," she laughed, though it certainly wasn't funny. "So I'm sore, and banged up, but really, I'm okay. I'm going to live."

"You better," he joked feebly.

"I'm really okay, Daddy," she assured him, reaching down to take one of his hands into hers. "Honest."

"Do you have any idea how horrible it was, watching you get shot?"

"No, but I can imagine," she whispered.

"I don't want you to keep chasing this."

"Dad."

"Katherine, you nearly died on the field. I can't bury you too."

"But I'm okay," she assured him. "I'm okay."

He met her gaze, his eyes brimming with tears. "And the next time?"

"Dad…"

"No, Kate, please. Stop chasing."

The first time he'd visited, they'd just hugged and he'd cried. They hadn't talked about it; it had been too fresh. But now, she could see the toll it had taken on him. But she couldn't promise him that she'd walk away. She was so very close.

"I could end it, Dad."

"Or you could die," he said vehemently, surprising her. "She wouldn't want you to get yourself killed for this, Kate."

There was a knock on the door and a new attending popped his head in. "Miss Beckett? I'm Dr. Howard. I've been switched onto your consultation. Am I interrupting?"

"No," Jim said, wiping his eyes surreptitiously and standing. "I'll come back in a few days, Katie."

"Dad," she protested.

"Let the Doctor make sure you're okay. Tell Castle to call me and let me know, alright?"  
>He left and Kate just stared after him. She really couldn't take much more today.<p>

"So, Miss Beckett," Howard said as he walked into the room and picked up the chart at the bottom of her bed. "I've read up on your prognosis and consulted with the team that did your surgery, and everything seems in order. You'll be on bed rest for about two weeks once we release you, the first being complete rest and the second allowing you some movement around the house. Do you have someone you can stay with?"

Kate blinked. Lanie was the first to come to mind, but she'd be working, and if Kate was actually going to be confined to a bed, that wouldn't work. Her father…she couldn't do that to him, and it might just kill her after the conversation they'd just had. There was movement in the doorway and she caught a glimpse of Castle talking with a nurse.

"I might," she said quietly. It would be awkward and…and he'd probably insist.

"Alright, well, make sure you get that squared away. You still have a few days."

"Okay," she nodded.

"After the bed rest, you'll have some therapy and we'll want you to start working up to full activity—taking walks, going on errands, and such. I've been told by your Partner that you'll be on desk duty for a month, as per procedure?"

"Yes," Kate replied. Castle had talked to her Doctor?

"That's good. You should be pretty set by the middle of that period, but it's better to be safe than sorry, with all of the running you do. Oh, and also, you'll need to get used to wearing flats for a while."

"Excuse me?" she laughed, despite herself.

"Your Partner told me that you're rather fond of four-inch heels?"

Kate narrowed her eyes. He'd pay for that. "I guess."

Howard laughed. "Well, at least for the next two months, we'll ask that you remain flat on the ground. The kind of strain those types of heels put on your abdomen isn't good for a recovering internal injury. But a few months from now, you should be good to go. Do you have any questions?"

"No," Kate shook her head. She was benched for two months, and she'd need someone to stay with for at least the first two weeks, and probably longer.

"Alright, well, let me know. I'll come back tomorrow. Try to find someone to stay with. Your Partner would probably be more than willing, if I had to take a guess."

"Thank you, Doctor," Kate said sweetly, glaring at him.

"Message received," he put up his hands and backed out of the room. She liked this one a lot more than Sanders.

She leaned back and closed her eyes. Her father wanted her to let it go. Castle had asked her to walk away. Roy had told her they couldn't win. Lockwood had told her 'he'd' find her. And her mother—her mother was still dead, and she was no closer to finding the string puller than she'd been before all of this had happened.

She was sore. She was tired. And Castle_ still_ hadn't come back to her room. His laptop was sitting on the small coffee table. His jacket was thrown over the chair. His coffee was on her bedside table, cold now, and half consumed. Josh had left over two hours ago. What was he doing?

She caught another glimpse of his shoulder through the door and strained to hear what was being said on the other side.

"I know. I've got a bedroom on the first floor. Yeah," she heard him chuckle. "I'll make sure that she doesn't do too much too soon. I have lots of movies."

She scrunched up her face. He was already planning to take her home with him, without even consulting her. She ignored the nagging voice that reminded her that she'd already accepted the fact that she'd need to stay with him. How dare he?

After a few more minutes of garbled conversation, Castle turned and knocked on her door. "Up for more visitors?"

Kate arched an eyebrow. "Visitors? Are you a visitor, or a part of the room?"

He laughed and looked over at all of his stuff. "Somewhere in between, I think."

"Stop hovering at the door," she replied.

He nodded and came to sit on the edge of her bed, ignoring the chair her father and Josh had used.

"So, I'm told you'll need some help in the next few weeks."

"Yeah, they told me too."

"And I am here to offer you a stay at the five-star-recuperation-suite at Casa de Castle."

"You've already rigged it so I can't say no, haven't you?"

He gave her a guilty smile. "Might have. But, if you're really against it, I'll help you find someone else. I just figured that Josh would be working, and your Dad didn't look quite _happy_ when he came out of here."

Kate sighed. "My father and I had an argument of sorts. He'll be by again in a day or two. But yes, I would rather not stay with him. And Josh isn't an option."

"His schedule just isn't conducive to taking care of someone," Castle nodded. "And I'm sorry that you have to put up with me instead."

Kate considered him. He honestly had no idea. "Castle, Josh wouldn't be an option even if he wasn't working three shifts back to back and preparing to go to Haiti."

"Oh."

"Right."

They looked at each other. "_And we never talk about it_." Kate found guilt welling up in her chest, a sensation she wasn't completely comfortable with. She probably should have told him that she'd ended things with Josh weeks ago. Hell, they'd gone to LA and back together and she hadn't told him, even when she'd very nearly considered falling into bed with him.

"So, I guess this won't cause problems then," he said quietly.

She gave him a small smile. "No."

"Good."

"Thank you for calling him, though."

"Oh, yeah," he said absently. "I just thought…if it were me, I'd want to know."

She bobbed her head. That was a loaded statement. "He switched me off of Sanders' rotation," she said, in place of something substantial. The change of topic snapped Castle out of his funk.

"Really?"

"Yep."

"Did he say why she hates me so much?"

"She's, apparently, carried a torch for Josh for a while, and she was kind of taking it out on me."

He tilted his head. "Why did she hate me, then?"

Kate bit her lip. "Uh, she may have been under the impression that I was leading Josh on and being unfair by allowing you to stay." Wait, why had she said _all_ of that?

His eyes widened. "Oh."

"Right."

"But the two of your aren't…"

"No."

"So she…"

"Was mean and uninformed."

"The best kind."

Kate laughed a bit and then yawned. He put a hand on her leg.

"Looks like you're tired."

"It's six, Castle. I'm not going to sleep."

He laughed. "Why not? You're in a hospital bed. It's kind of your job to sleep at odd hours."

She huffed. "If I sleep now, I'll only have more trouble sleeping later. And, speaking of sleep; have you had any?"

He avoided her gaze. "Some."

"Castle, you have to sleep."

"I will."

"No," Kate said forcefully. "Go home, get some sleep."

"I'm not going home."

Kate glared at him. "Go home. See your daughter. Sleep."

"Kate…" Great, not even Beckett.

"No, Castle. You can come back and bug me all day tomorrow. But seriously, go home. Get some sleep."

He sighed. "You shouldn't get to order me around when you're the one that's hurt."

She smirked. "Castle, when are you going to learn that I'm the boss, no matter what?" He looked at her. "Don't."

"But you set it up so well."

"Castle," she growled.

"Fine," he put up his hands. "I'll leave you be. But if I find out from the nice nurse out there that you didn't sleep tonight, you'll get hell tomorrow."

"What are you going to do to me?" she asked, looking around the room. "I'm already in hell."

He turned to look at her once he'd put his laptop into his bag and cleared away his garbage. "Are you doubting my ability to be annoying?"

She narrowed her eyes. "I will hurt you."

He laughed. "Note taken."

He came over and stood at the head of the bed, looking down at her. "Try to sleep tonight."

"I slept last night."

"Only because you stayed awake for so long that you basically passed out."

Kate wanted to punch him. Didn't he get it? "I'll do what I can, Castle."

"There's no shame in asking to be knocked out, either," he said quietly. "Or asking for a sleep aid. And you can always call me."

"Thanks, but I'll be fine."

"I'm going to start making you pay me if you keep saying that."

"I'll just win it back in poker."

He smiled. "Okay. I'll head out. Have a nice night, KB."

"You too."

He leaned down and kissed her forehead and then turned and left, leaving her a bit breathless in his wake. When the hell had everything—_everything_—gotten so damn complicated?

…...

"Hey, Girl. Can I come in?"

Kate looked up from one of the novels Castle had brought her and smiled as she saw Lanie. "Of course!"

Lanie came in, a bag in her hands and a concerned smile on her face. "How you doin'?" She asked as she took a seat in 'the' chair.

"I'm fine," Kate said automatically, and then grimaced.

"What?"

"I owe Castle…some denomination of money."

"Because you're 'fine'?"

Kate narrowed her eyes. "How much have the two of you talked?"

Lanie shrugged. "I talk to a lot of people."

"Lanie."

"Okay, Writer Boy called a few times to give me updates. Sounds like your prognosis is pretty good."

"Yeah. Two weeks rest and then two weeks of ratcheted activity."

Lanie smiled. "That's great."

"Yeah," Kate sighed. "But I'll be staying with Castle for a month."

Lanie gave her a look. "And what part of that is bad, exactly?"

Kate glared at her. "Lanie."

"No, really. You and Dr. Motorcycle Boy are through. Castle and Gina have been over for _forever_. He followed you to LA. Come on, Kate. What more are you waiting for?"

"It's not that simple, Lanie," she sighed. "Everything's so messed up."

"How?"

"What do you mean, how? We haven't talked about anything. Any of it! He _just_ found out that Josh and I broke up, and he doesn't even know when it happened."

"Wait, what?"

"He called Josh."

Lanie let out a breath. "He did?"

"Yeah. He said if it were him, he'd have wanted to know."

"Oh, Kate."

"And so Josh showed up."

"He what?" Lanie gasped.

"Yeah. Came to make sure I was okay. He asked me again."

Lanie's eyes grew wide. "Really?"

"Yep."

"And you said no."

"I said no."

Lanie reached over and gave her hand a squeeze. "It's the right thing to do."

"I know," Kate said, squeezing back. "Still sucked."

"And then you had to tell Castle that you'd already broken up?"

Kate nodded. "He was going on about how he knew I'd rather stay with Josh than him…and I just, he was smiling the whole time but he looked so defeated, Lanie."

"Kate."

"I _know_," she said, exasperated, with Lanie, with Castle, with herself. "I know, Lanie."

"Are you going to tell him?"

"Tell him what?" she challenged.

"What? Katherine Beckett."

"Lanie."

"No," she stood and plopped down next to Kate's hip. "You listen to me. That man has been through hell and back in the past few days. You have to come clean, Kate. You both deserve it."

She looked down at the hands she was twisting in her lap. "I know, Lanie."

They were quiet for a moment. "Do you want to see what I brought?"

Kate smiled at her. "Please."

Lanie reached down and hoisted the bag onto the bed, setting it between Kate's legs. Kate tossed her book onto the opposite night stand and shifted to be able to take things as Lanie removed them. Lanie pulled out a few zip sweatshirts and sweatpants, new underwear, and some socks.

"Clothes, so you can feel a bit more human," she explained as she reached in again, pulling out a few DVDs. "Movies, so you're not bored to death when you can't sleep, which I know you haven't been."

Kate scowled but took the DVDs, smiling as she realized that Lanie had brought her a number of swashbucklers, two con movies, and a few romantic comedies.

"And your books, so you can get a bit lost."

Kate smiled as Lanie pulled out her well-worn copies of _Storm Fall, Storm Season, Naked Heat _and_ Heat Wave_. Those definitely trumped the drivel Castle had found in the giftshop.

"You know, Castle's going to have a field day when he sees these," Kate said as she took them from Lanie.

Lanie grinned. "Why do you think I brought them? I want pictures."

Kate considered her. "How much do you have riding on this?"

"Me?" Kate just stared at her. "Enough. You better make it worth my while."

"What, exactly, is the wager?"

"Uh-uh-uh. That wouldn't be fair, now would it?"

Kate scoffed. "No, what's not fair is that you guys are betting on us!"

"Sorry to burst that bubble for you, sweetie, but this is far from the largest bet riding on the two of you."

Kate narrowed her eyes. "Spill."

"Nope."

"Lanie."

She grinned. "You get settled in with Writer Boy and give it a few weeks, and we'll talk."

"Parish, I swear, if you don't…"

"Knock, knock."

They turned and Kate glanced over at the door, where Esposito was leaning against the doorjamb, grinning at them. "You'll pay for this," she told Lanie.

"Sorry, Becks, but I just got a call. We need to head out to a scene. How you doin'?" he asked while Lanie hopped off the bed and started arranging things, ignoring Kate as she tried to swat her hands away.

"I'm okay, Espo. New case?"

He nodded. "We're not benching _the_ case, but…"

"I know. Gimme an update when you can?"

He smiled. "Will do. Get a good night's sleep."

"We'll be back tomorrow," Lanie added, squeezing her leg before she walked over to the door.

"Thank you for the stuff, Lanie," she said.

"Anytime, Girl. Have a good night."

Kate stared out the door as they left. The Precinct was betting on them. She flopped back against the pillows and glanced over at the stack of books now on her bedside table. He'd written two books about her, about them. Kate reached over and pulled _Heat Wave_ from the pile, turning the pages to look at the dedication.

She smiled and then began reading again, for what was the next in an embarrassingly large number of passes through the book. She turned the page and idly wondered who would take home the pool when they got together. Wait…


	5. Chapter 5

**Title: Stand With Me**

**Disclaimer: I still don't own Castle. But I'm always open to offers of employment from the Creative Team. Takers? Eh, eh?**

**Summary: Shot, hospitalized and confused, Katherine Beckett wakes up to a changing future. Richard Castle wants to protect her, love her, save her. But there are things she must face, and she can't make him the promises he needs. Post-Knockout continuation. **

**Author's Note: So, I'm releasing this early tonight, 'cause I'm a bit sick and don't want to fall asleep without posting. We're getting into things, avoiding them, and laughing in this chapter. I hope you guys like it. It can't make up for the episode we're missing, on this, the Third Non-Castle Monday, but I hope it's still fun.**

**Lemme know what you think. I always love to hear it.**

**Emma  
><strong>

* * *

><p><strong>Chapter 5:<br>**

"This has been well loved."

Kate blinked and opened her eyes to see Richard Castle sitting in his customary chair, feet up on the little table, _Heat Wave_ open in his lap.

"Wha time 'sit?" she slurred, schooching up on the bed.

He put the book down and got up, walking over to help her sit up. "It's around eleven."

"I was out for that long?" she asked, glad that her articulation was back. She reached over and grabbed the cup of water they kept on her bedside, taking a long sip.

"Nurse says you woke up around four with sweats, and they gave you something for the stress. Then you passed out until now."

She nodded. She vaguely remembered waking from a horrible nightmare, extremely disoriented and in pain from the thrashing. Then it got hazy. "How long have you been here?"

He smiled. "Since around nine. I came after Alexis got off to school."

"And you've been," she glanced around. "You've been reading my copy of _Heat Wave_?"

"Just paging through. I see page 105 has gotten some serious attention."

"Shut up, Castle," she replied, glaring at him.

"No judgment. I've spent some time with it myself."

"You wrote it!"

He grinned. "Exactly." He sat down on the edge of her bed and laid a hand on her leg. "How you doing?"

She shrugged. "I just woke up, I don't really know. Could you…"

"Yeah?"

She sighed. She had to get over this, especially if she was going to be living with him for the next month, or longer. "Could you help me up so I can shuffle over to the bathroom?"

"Are you cleared for that?"

She nodded. "They took the bedpan out last night."

"Okay. Sure you don't need a nurse?"

She shook her head. "They said, as long as I had someone here to help, I should be fine. There's a call button in there anyway."

He hopped up and helped her lower the arm on the bed. He then took her hands as she scooted over and swung her legs over the side of the bed.

"You good?" he asked as she perched on the edge. She nodded and together they lowered her to the floor.

She brought her hands up to his forearms to steady herself and he gripped her under her elbows, supporting her weight with a surprisingly gentle force. "Yeah, thanks," she murmured. "Now we just…"

"Shuffle away," he smiled, backing toward the bathroom at her pace, her IV rolling along behind them.

She felt utterly ridiculous, unable to take even semi-normal steps. Her grip on his arms was strong and she grimaced around the stretching pain and discomfort they had assured her was normal.

"Hurts?" he asked as they reached the door and she leaned against the doorjamb for a moment, catching her breath, her hands still settled on his arms.

"Yeah," she replied tightly.

"Do you need help in there?" She managed to muster up a glare. "Sorry, sorry," he laughed. "Not quite there yet. Can you do it alone?"

"I've been using the big-girl potty for a while now, Castle," she replied, releasing his arms to make her way shakily into the room. He pushed the stand in behind her. "Just…" she closed the door until there was just a sliver of his face left to see. "Stay close, okay?"

He smiled. "No worries."

She went about her business, marveling at just how exhausting merely moving around the bathroom was. She was able to brush her teeth and rub a washcloth over her face, before it became too much and she hobbled to the door. He was waiting patiently on the other side, and instantly held out his arms for her. She collapsed against him and he virtually hauled her over to the bed, lifting her up with surprising ease.

Together, they got her settled in the bed and he brought the covers up over her lap, rolled the IV closer to the bed, and sat down next to her feet. "You okay? Do you need meds or anything?"

She sighed. She hurt, she ached, but she desperately wanted to feel like herself, and the meds wouldn't let her. "I'm…I'll be fine for a while."

"Kate…"

"No, Castle. Just, let me feel human, okay? They'll be in here in a few anyway."

He nodded reluctantly and let his hand settle back on her leg. He touched her a lot, she realized, as if he was afraid that she'd slip away while he wasn't looking.

"How are you feeling?" she asked him. "You look like you slept."

"I did," he smiled. "Alexis and I watched a movie and then I went to sleep. You'd be proud, I got a whole eight hours."

"Good for you," she laughed. "Nice to know that you're capable of taking care of yourself."

"I try," he grinned. "I brought more stuff, though it looks like you've got enough books to keep you happily entertained for the better part of a week," he said, gesturing to the pile Lanie had made the previous night.

"You're being remarkably kind about that, by the way," she told him. He'd only lightly ribbed her for _Heat Wave_.

"Oh, I have a month to get on your case about it. But I think it'll be more fun when you can chase me."

She shook her head and looked around. "So, what did you bring me?"

He grinned and reached over the back of the bed, bringing up a large bag. "I have more movies, a few different flavors of Gatorade, Monopoly, some other books, and a promise to go get you the decaffeinated drink of your choice once you're cleared for solids, or semi-solids."

She couldn't help it. She smiled, a full on free smile. He beamed at her in return and passed her a Gatorade.

"Start with this. Do you want me to go get a nurse?"

"Only so we can find out whether or not I should send you to get me a frappachino."

"Going for the good stuff?"

"I can stand the calories now. Might as well take advantage," she shrugged.

He laughed. "Even twenty pounds wouldn't hurt you, you know."

She narrowed her eyes. "I like my figure, thanks. But, I'm happy to indulge now. So, go find me a nurse."

"On it. Rummage through this and pick a game."

She watched as he hopped off the bed and sped out the door. She looked through the bag he'd left on her lap and realized that he'd added the other games to it. She kind of felt like Monopoly though. She hadn't had the time to play these games in ages, and with Castle, it was kind of fun.

He returned just as she was setting the board up on the tray that could slide over her bed for food. A nurse followed him in.

"So, Miss Beckett, I hear you're interested in some real food, of sorts."

Kate nodded. "Please tell me I can at least have milkshakes and stuff."

The nurse nodded. "We think semi-solids for about a week should help your system adjust. Your liver's doing very well, and otherwise, your digestive system is unaffected. We'll send you home with a graduated diet plan to get you back up to normal. I understand that your normal diet is…less than conventional?"

Kate glared at Castle. "I suppose."

"Which means yes, and that she's going to kill me," he added from the nurse's left.

"Alright. We'll talk about that another time. Would you like us to send you something, or will Mr. Castle be making a run for you?"

"Oh, Mr. Castle can do it. Thank you," she said sweetly, her glare still leveled at her Partner. The nurse laughed and left, leaving them to stare at each other. "I'd really appreciate it if you'd stop telling my doctors that I live a terribly unhealthy life."

"Why? Someone has to," he countered, coming to perch on her bed again. "What if you don't tell them something and it's really important?"

"I can take care of myself, Castle."

His eyes darkened. "Actually, right now, you can't. Or was it someone else who helped you to the bathroom this morning?"

"Sorry to be such an imposition," she replied, charging through the sting of his words.

"I get that you're independent, Kate. But right now? You're hurt, you're tired, and you're going to have to accept that you need to give up the reins every now and then."

"That doesn't give you the right to rat me out to my doctors."

"Rat you out? Rat you _out_? I'm trying to make sure you get the best care possible, so that you get better faster, or do you want to spend an extra month recovering?"

She bit her lip and frowned. "No."

"Then you have to let me tell them what I know. I spend every day with you; I know what you eat. You're in excellent physical condition, because you train so much, but you don't eat well and you sleep less than that."

"Castle, I can take care of myself. You don't need to make me out like I'm slowly killing myself."

They stared each other down. "You can be mad about this, or you can let it go, but I'm going to keep looking out for you."

She didn't have a good response. She was livid that he was taking such liberties, but the rational part of her that could get around that knew that he was right. She didn't have the presence of mind to tell her Doctors about normal habits. And they did need to know.

"While you puzzle this out, and decide whether or not you're mad at me, I can go get you that frappachino. What flavor?"

She met his eyes, trying to glare but failed, giving him a tired look instead. "Café Vanilla would be great, thank you."

He gave her a small smile, patted her leg, and left the room. She stared after him, the game of Monopoly forgotten. He was a good man. He was a good friend. And he was going to keep being both of those things no matter how she treated him, and she'd just treated him like shit. She let her head flop back against her pillows and closed her eyes, feeling tired, sore and horrible about herself.

What kind of person was she? Yelling at him for trying to be there for her? Isn't that what she'd wanted all along—someone to be there for her, someone she could be there for? She'd let Josh go because he couldn't be those things, and now she was harping on Castle for doing exactly what she needed him to do.

She stared at the ceiling, beating herself up until she heard the door open and Castle was walking into her room. She smiled and took the drink he extended for her. He sat down on the chair on the other side of the room and removed a muffin he'd obviously gotten for lunch. She took a long sip of her frappachino and couldn't stop the moan of appreciation that escaped. It tasted so damn _good_.

She glanced over and found him staring at her. "What?" she asked.

He shook his head. "You're not allowed to have more of those if you keep making sounds like that."

She laughed. "Sorry." He laughed too, and just like that, the tension broke. "Listen, Castle, I'm sorry."

"You don't have t…"

"No, honestly. I'm sorry. You've been amazing about all of this—me getting shot, taking care of me, dealing with my moods. And I've been mean and petty and cranky, and I'm just…I'm sorry."

He stood and came to sit on her bed, deciding apparently that she was safe to approach again. It made her stomach twist. "Kate, you were just shot. And before that, I don't need to tell you how much you've been through in the past week. You get to be disagreeable. I knew going in that you weren't just going to sit there like a rag doll and let us deal with you. You're feisty."

"Feisty?"

He grinned. "Gun shot or not, you're you, and you don't like being taken care of. I get it, believe me. And so you snap a bit and yell a bit and fight me, but I'm not going anywhere."

"Castle…"

"Sticking like glue, kid."

She laughed. "Thank you for the frappachino."

"Anytime," he smiled. "Now, can I kick your ass in Monopoly, or do you want to continue making sinful noises as you drink that? Either way is acceptable."

She smirked. "I think I can multitask."

"A complicated woman. I like it," he said as he reached for the town car.

"No way, I get to be the car."

"How is that fair?" he replied, indignant.

"I'm the one in the hospital bed."

"Yeah, well, I'm the one watching you be in the hospital bed."

She narrowed her eyes. "Gunshot wound."

"Watching your Partner nearly die."

They stared each other down, relatively oblivious to how extremely odd this argument was. "I think it's a draw," she said after a moment.

"Fine. I'll be the top hat, and you can be the battleship."

"Fine."

"Good."

They took their respective pieces and Kate took a sip of her drink, making sure to make her noise of pleasure as completely sinful and lustful as possible. His eyes darkened and he grabbed the dice.

"Just for that, I go first."

"Well, of course. It _is_ Ladies first, after all."

"Ouch," he laughed, rolling. "You don't want to be a lady?"

"Oh, I can be a lady," she replied, watching as he moved six spaces. "I just prefer to be a bad ass. You, however, fit the description perfectly."

"I think they're going too easy on you here," he said as he began handing out money, something they'd overlooked in their little tiff earlier. "You must be getting better if you can be this mean."

"Oh, Castle, you underestimate me."

"My dear Detective, I _highly_ doubt that."

Kate raised an eyebrow and took the proffered money before taking another sip of her drink, groaning around the straw.

"Beckett?"

They both looked up and found themselves staring Ryan. Castle turned and coughed to hide his laugh while Kate quickly put the drink down.

"What's up, Ryan?"

He stared between them for a moment before coming into the room. "Nothing much, just came by to say hello. I'm on my way back from interviewing some homeless shelters, but it's not urgent. How are you feeling?"

"A bit better," she replied, holding up the drink. "Semi-solids."

"I hear you're enjoying that," he replied with a smirk. Castle laughed openly.

"Might be. How I drink my coffee is none of your concern," she replied. "How's everything at the 12th."

"Been better, been worse. Raymond's…Raymond's interesting."

"Yeah, she came to see me."

"Heard about that when we got our orders to not discuss cases with you."

"Which you're clearly breaking."

He grinned. "Boss beats Captain, you know that."

She smiled. "Thanks Kev."

"Anytime, Becks. How's it hangin' Castle?"

Castle grinned. "Doin' well. About to beat Beckett here in Monopoly."

Ryan gave her a look. "Sure you are."

She grinned and shook her head. Castle didn't need to know that she rarely ever lost Monopoly. It would be more fun to just whoop his ass.

"Well, I gotta go in a minute. When are they springing you?"

"Few days, last time I heard," Kate replied.

"And you'll be at Castle's after that?"

"Man, Esplanie doesn't waste time."

"Yes!" Castle beamed.

"Esplanie?" Ryan asked.

"Castle's 'ship' name for them. From the Temptation case."

"Dude, that's perfect," Ryan laughed.

"I know, right?" Castle grinned.

"Well, on that note, I'll leave you be. Keep us informed. We'll try to come by again tomorrow. We have off after seven."

"Perfect. We'll order pizza or something," Castle replied before Kate could even open her mouth.

"Poker?" Ryan asked, looking at Kate.

"I will take you all down, wounded or not," she grinned.

"Excellent," Ryan said. "Okay, gonna go. Get better."

"Detect pretty."

He left, laughing, and Castle turned back to her. "They're good guys."

"They really are."

"Well, enough chatter. Let's do this," he said seriously, gesturing to the board.

"You're going down, Castle."

"I'm gonna make you hurt."

"Bring it, Writer Boy."

"Writer Man."

"Prove it."

He met her challenging gaze. "Oh, Kate, just you wait until I can prove _that_."

She narrowed her eyes. "Oh yeah?"

"Yeah," he replied, his face devoid of all humor for a second, before he brightened. "But I'll start by kicking you to the curb in Monopoly. Roll."

She did, feeling like all of a sudden they were playing for a bit more than pride.


	6. Chapter 6

**Title: Stand With Me**

**Disclaimer: I still don't own Castle. But I'm always open to offers of employment from the Creative Team. Takers? Eh, eh?**

**Summary: Shot, hospitalized and confused, Katherine Beckett wakes up to a changing future. Richard Castle wants to protect her, love her, save her. But there are things she must face, and she can't make him the promises he needs. Post-Knockout continuation. **

**Author's Note: So, this is our last chapter fully in the hospital. It twists and turns, and everyone feels the force of Kate's stay there. Emotions are high and thoughts and conversations flip and turn and twist. **

**Let me know what you think. I'm interested in your thoughts on this.**

**Emma**

* * *

><p><strong>Chapter 6:<strong>

"I fold."

"Crap."

"Worse than crap."

Kate laughed and looked around the room. The boys were seated in chairs on either side of her bed, with Alexis sitting cross-legged by her feet. Castle, for reasons she was still unsure of, was sitting next to her, their sides squished together at the head of the bed.

"All of you fold? Even you, child?" Castle asked.

Alexis scowled at him. "It's not my fault that you dealt me a bad hand."

"Yeah, maybe it's your fault, Castle," Esposito added.

"Maybe you're rigging the deck so that you always have the good hands," Ryan agreed.

"And do you agree with them?" Castle asked, turning to look at her. "Are you going to throw me under the bus with the rest of these traitors?"

"I don't know, Castle. My hand's pretty good."

His look changed from jokingly wounded to challenging. "What are your stakes, Detective?"

They hadn't initially been playing for anything other than garlic knots, which didn't really work, since Kate couldn't eat, Alexis didn't want any more, and both Esposito and Ryan had eaten one too many slices of pizza. After that, they'd degenerated into pennies Alexis had dug out of her purse.

"What's there to bet?" she asked.

He considered her for a moment. She watched Alexis, Esposito and Ryan exchanging smiles out of the corner of her eye. "Well, you'll be living with me for a month."

Kate narrowed her eyes. "Your daughter is in the room."

His eyes widened. "I wasn't going there at all." Then he smirked. "However, I'm glad to know that you were."

"Just state your bet, Castle, before I hurt you."

"If I win, you have to give me two hours a day in which you don't contradict my demands on your health."

"What?"

He smiled. "Two hours, of my choosing, in which you have to do what I say. If I say lie down and rest, you rest. If I say let me do the dishes, you let me. If I tell you you need to eat more than popcorn, you eat. And I can choose the hours whenever I like, and in whatever increments I like."

Kate glared. "That sounds utterly unfair, Castle."

"Afraid you won't beat my pants off?"

If he was going to fight dirty…"Fine. Now, my stakes."

He nodded. "Fair is fair."

"If I win, you have to give _me_ two hours a day without hovering."

"Denied."

"I will eat, and sleep, and bathe, and generally laze around like I am supposed to, but I will be able to tell you, at any given point, to back off, and you have to let me."

They glared at each other. Castle wouldn't like her bet, she knew it. She also had a straight, and the likelihood of him beating it was very, very small. But she couldn't help the little twinge in her gut that told her she was playing with fire. If he won, oh, God, he'd be insufferable.

Finally, he nodded. "Accepted, with one condition."

"Oh?"

"If you're legitimately in pain, you can't let pride get in the way, even if you get mad and yell at me later."

She sighed. She'd have to give him that one. "Fine."

"Are you worried about having them both in your house all the time?" Ryan asked Alexis. "This could be your life for the next month."

Alexis gave him an uneasy look. "I'm hoping that I can avoid them at all costs," she stage whispered.

Castle shot her an affronted look and Kate laughed. "We'll shield you, don't worry," she told the girl.

Alexis gave her a smile. "I have no doubts that you'll work as hard as possible to keep your arguments to yourself. Him, I'm not so sure about."

"I think _I'm_ the one that should worry," Castle moaned dramatically. "Already, they're ganging up on me."

"Good luck with that," Esposito nodded solemnly.

"Yeah. Our condolences," Ryan added.

Castle narrowed his eyes at them and then turned to Kate. "Ready, Detective?"

"Bring it, Writer _Man_."

His eyebrow quirked, but he didn't let her jab faze him. Damn.

They each took a last card. Perfect. She now had a complete straight. He'd need a full straight, royal flush to beat that.

"On three," Alexis said. "One, two three."

They turned their cards over. He had a straight, royal flush. Holy Hell.

Kate looked up and met his eyes and found herself slightly taken aback. He didn't look gloatingly triumphant; he merely looked pleased. She flopped back against her pillows and threw an arm over her eyes.

"Do your dance, Castle," she muttered. She knew he wouldn't. This had been his plan from the start, she realized. He wanted to ensure that she'd let him take care of her—something they both knew she was loath to do. And now she had to let him, on pain of…on pain of reneging on a bet. Oh, but it was more than a bet. They'd just had a battle of wills, and he'd won, and she knew that he was right to begin with. She'd jump headlong into everything if there wasn't someone there to hold her back.

She hated that she knew that about herself. She hated that it had taken a bullet to show her that. She hated that she needed to rely on someone. And she hated that he knew all of that too.

"Cheer up Beckett," Esposito said jovially from her left. "Now you can order Castle around like a slave for two hours a day, and call it his winnings."

Kate lifted her arm to grin at Esposito. She loved her boys. "Good call, Espo," she replied.

"Now, wait a second," Castle spluttered.

"Ooh, do you want us to pick him up a maid's uniform?" Ryan asked, his eyes alight. "And a hat. Definitely a hat."

"I'm pretty sure we have a bell at home," Alexis mused, meeting Kate's eyes with a smile.

Castle huffed and began collecting the discarded cards with a scowl on his face. Kate laughed and settled comfortably against her pillows. She watched Ryan glance at his watch and make a gesture to Esposito.

"I thought you guys were off tonight."

They looked at her. "We…are," Ryan said slowly. "I mean, Raymond told us to take the night off."

"So why does it look like you've got places to be? You could be going to Jennie, but I happen to know that Lanie's stuck with a stiff."

Esposito smiled. "I'll catch her after the graveyard shift."

"Nice," Castle leaned over her to extend a hand. Esposito happily fed the birds.

"Thought you'd appreciate that," Esposito grinned.

Kate just shook her head and watched as Castle gingerly leaned back, making sure not to jostle her in the process. He rearranged the blanket he'd mussed and then adjusted the shoulder of the baggy sweatshirt she was wearing. He met her eyes as he shifted back to his original position and she watched as he realized exactly what he'd done. He considered her for a brief moment, and then shrugged, turning back to the other occupants of the room, who were all smiling a bit too much for Kate's liking.

"Where do you have to be?" she asked, hoping to derail their smugness.

"We're, uh…" Ryan looked at Esposito.

"We're just running some leads, that's all."

Kate watched as the two Detectives shared looks with Castle. "What aren't you telling me?" she asked, shifting into 'Boss' mode.

"Nothing that's substantial," Esposito said immediately.

"Tell me," she demanded.

"We're going to the archives at City Hall," Ryan said with a sigh. "Just going to look around, see who was in office around that time, and see if we can catch financials to see who may have had a bigger payday than normal."

"You're going to the archives at 10pm?" Kate asked, incredulous.

Castle shifted beside her. "I may…"

"Know a guy," she supplied. "I hope this 'guy' knows what he's doing?"

Castle turned and gave her a smile. "He does, and he's trustworthy."

She searched his eyes for a moment, and, finding nothing suspicious, shrugged. "Okay. But, guys," she said as they stood. They turned to look at her. "Be careful?"

"Like always, Boss," Esposito grinned.

"Seriously, guys," She said with more conviction.

Ryan walked over to her side of the bed. "We've got your back, Becks. Vests mandatory."

She nodded and they left, patting Alexis on the head. Both Kate and Rick laughed at her affronted look. Then it was just the three of them. Alexis looked at them.

"How dangerous is this?" she asked quietly.

"Alexis," Castle protested.

"No, Dad. Really. How dangerous is this?" She looked at Kate. "You were shot at a funeral, Kate."

"It's…" Kate looked at Castle, who met her gaze. He looked completely resigned and sad, like they were about to take some of this young woman's innocence. They probably were. "It's not good, Alexis."

"You just told the guys to be careful. That I know of, you've never said something like that to anyone but my Dad, and he's…well, he needs to be careful just coming down the stairs."

Kate laughed. She was _so_ Castle's daughter. "True, and true."

"So, how much danger are the two of you in?" she asked, sobering.

Castle shifted next to her. "I think your Dad actually knows more than I do," she replied. The change in Castle's posture at her statement told her two things: She was right, and he was deliberately keeping secrets from her.

"We're not in any active danger," he said quietly.

"The protective detail outside this room, and at our house, and at school begs to differ," Alexis snorted.

"You're having her followed?" Kate asked, turning to look at him. "What the hell aren't you telling me?"

He glanced between the two of them. Kate looked over and found Alexis looking at her Dad with a gaze that was remarkably similar to her own. She would have laughed, if she weren't suddenly so worried. What the hell had they been keeping from her?

"We're covering all of our bases," he replied slowly. "Most of it's just overprotection. But I just…come on, Kate. Look around. I don't want to come visit anyone else here anytime soon."

She couldn't argue with that. "How?" she asked after his statement had settled over them, like a thin blanket, enough to keep out the cold, but ultimately not enough to protect you from the elements.

"How what?"

"How are you having her followed? I know the detail out there is from the Precinct."

"It's not, actually," he said, meeting her gaze steadily. "I…"

"You have a guy? Castle, why do you have a guy in personal security?"

"Actually, I misspoke. We," he gestured between them. "Have a gal."

Kate blinked. "You called Agent Shaw? Castle, do you have any idea how messy this just got? How traceable?"

He held up a hand. "Less traceable. I made a call, I didn't involve her. She helped me get through to the Security Department. You're rather well loved there, too."

"Fallon?"

"No, just the basic Security Department. However, our involvement with the, uh, episode a few months back has given us quite the reputation in the New York Fed branch."

Kate just shook her head. "So, lemme get this straight. Agents Shaw _and_ Fallon referred you to the Security Department, who, in turn, sent you personal security details?"

"Yes," he replied.

"You've got to be kidding me."

"Kate, you're one of the most valuable members of the NYPD. Roy was killed, and _he_ was one of the most valuable members of the NYPD. They're doing back flips to close this."

"So the Feds _are_ in on it?"

"We may be getting some of these leads from other sources, yes."

Kate just stared at him. "And the 12th? I know you haven't been back there."

"Right."

"So, you just took us rogue? You didn't think about consulting me first?"

Castle's face hardened. "You can't fight right now."

"I deserve to be told what you're doing to my life!"

"I'm making sure you have a life to keep defending," he replied vehemently. "I'm protecting your friends, my family, your _Father_."

"You should have told me."

"I just did."

"Before now, Castle," she hissed. "Before your daughter ended up spilling beans I'm sure she had no idea would turn into an argument that we've just had in front of her."

As the words tumbled from her mouth they both shifted their gazes to Alexis, who was still sitting on the end of the bed, her mouth open in shock.

"Alexis, Sweetheart," Castle said quietly, all traces of their fight gone from his voice. He'd forgotten she was there too. "Honey."

"Dad," Alexis breathed. "How bad is this?"

He hung his head. "Bad, Alexis."

"Really bad?"

"Really bad," he nodded. "I didn't want to scare…"

"I get it," she said, stopping his protests with a raised hand. "I do, I get it. But I'm a big girl. And this affects my life, Dad. You _have_ to be straight with me."

"I'm sorry. I will. I'll try," he replied quickly.

"I'm sorry too, Alexis," Kate added.

"What, why?" the girl asked, completely taken-aback.

"This is all my fault. Your life—I had no idea. I didn't think…I'm so very sorry."

"Kate," Alexis rolled her eyes. "No offense, but please, shut up."

"Alexis!" Castle exclaimed.

"No, Dad," Alexis laughed shakily. "Kate. You got shot because someone is trying to kill you. That's not your fault. No matter what you were investigating, you didn't deserve this. And I don't blame you—either of you. Just…can you get better?"

Kate smiled. "Yes. All the time, Alexis."

"Good." She stared at them and then her face brightened after a moment. "Okay, I'm going to go."

"What?"

"Alexis, Honey."

"No, Dad," she shook her head and hopped off the bed. "You guys need to talk, I need to sleep, and we'll go from there. You come home in two days, right?" she asked, looking at Kate.

Come home. "Uh, yeah," she replied.

"Good. I'm looking forward to it. I'll see you soon. Night Dad," she said, as she came over, pecked Castle on the cheek, and then spun away, leaving the door to slam behind her.

"I used to think I didn't see any of her mother in her," Castle said after a silent minute. They were both too stunned to do much more than stare at the door. "But I think we just experienced hurricane Alexis."

"I don't know, Castle," Kate said. "I just saw a lot more of you in her than the Deep Fried Twinkie you've talked about."

He turned to look at her. "Seriously?"

"Fiercely loyal? Oddly and jarringly serious and insightful? Then jerkingly light and flippant, all within about two minutes? That's totally you, Castle."

He laughed and she felt herself relax. She'd never seen Alexis so worked up, or concerned, or unconcerned, and it had given her whiplash. To hear him laughing beside her—it helped calm her sudden nerves. But, this was just another threadbare blanket.

"Castle."

"Do we have to do this tonight, Kate?" he asked.

She was jarred by his tone. He sounded so tired suddenly. "You okay?"

He shook his head and took her hand, threading his fingers through hers. "No."

"Castle…"

"You're in a hospital bed. I have someone tailing my kid. Said kid just schooled both of us. My close friends are chasing leads and skulking through archives, all of which hasn't been cleared with your new boss, who doesn't like me. Roy's…and you're in the bed, Kate."

She squeezed his hand. "I'm getting better. You get to hold me captive in two days."

"It's not how I imagined you'd move into my apartment." There was silence. "Um. Can we take a rain check on you calling me on that?"

Kate let out a breath. "Definitely."

He chuckled and they sat there for a long moment, both lost in thought. She had so many questions. But tonight was obviously not the night. And honestly, she was tired too. From keeping animated for the boys, dealing with Alexis' questions, Castle's admissions, and the actual injuries, she was exhausted. Castle was heavy and warm next to her, and his hand was strong in hers. She couldn't tell whether it was the hour or the…or their relationship that made the act of holding hands seem both inconsequential and monumentally important all at once.

"I should go and let you sleep."

Being alone, however, sounded worse than the nightmares she was sure she'd have. But she couldn't tell him that. She couldn't admit to that. He'd feel guilty, and worry, and probably call _another_ FBI agent to get her a 'sleep protector' or something, and he'd stay. More importantly, he'd stay. But, if she told him, he _would_ stay.

"Or," his hand tightened around hers. "I could bunk here."

"You don't have to do that," she said immediately. But would he? She wanted him to. Oh, hell. She wanted him to. Crap. Great. CRAP.

He shrugged and turned to look at her. "Convince yourself that I need to stay to make sure you're protected by my 'vast arsenal of rapier wit.'"

She glared at him. "Castle."

"Lemme call Alexis, and then I'll help you to the bathroom and stuff?"

"Castle, really, you should…"

"Staying. Decided," he dismissed as he grabbed his phone with his free hand, pressing a button before she could respond. "Hi Honey. Yes. Of course. Right. Alexis! Okay. Love you too, Pumpkin. Yes, you can. I'm sure she'd…Yes, Alexis. I promise. Love you too. Sweet dreams."

"Everything okay?" she asked as he put the phone back on the nightstand.

"She says that I should wish you a good night," he said softly. "And not to worry, and to stop fighting and get some sleep. You know, it's hard to get a word in with her these days."

"That's what happens when you raise smart kids, Castle," Kate laughed. "They best you before you're ready for them to."

"First hand experience?" he asked, grinning.

"No, but…shut up, Castle. I can give good advice. You've never been a woman."

He cocked his head. "Did you get a drip without my noticing."

She blushed. "I meant…you give good advice without being a woman, for…for woman things…you know what? Help me to the bathroom so I don't have to stare at your face."

He laughed and slipped off the bed, turned, and helped her down. They swayed for a moment as she got her footing again and then they walked to the bathroom. It was less shuffling and more agonizingly slow walking now. Kate wouldn't say she was happy about it, but it was better than the shuffling.

"Already better than yesterday," he murmured.

She looked up and met his eyes as they reached the doorway to the bathroom. "I _am_ getting better, Castle. I'm going to keep getting better."

"I know."

"Try to internalize that while I'm in there, okay?"

He nodded and slowly released her hands so she could enter the bathroom and close the door. If it wouldn't hurt so much, she'd hug him, just to get that worried look off his face. She didn't like seeing him so serious. Hell, she didn't like knowing that he was single-handedly masterminding some large scale fight against the person that had ordered the hit on her mother, on Raglan, on Roy, on _her_.

She shook her head and braided her hair, smiling as she realized that she had the strength to make it through her normal routine and fixing her hair. That was it though, and she made her way to the door. He was there, like always, hands held out for her. She stumbled as they made their way back to the bed, tripping over her tired feet.

He caught her and helped her find her balance again, his hands on her upper torso, warm and strong. "I've got you," he said quietly.

"Thanks."

"Always."

And they were back to serious. She smiled and he helped her get back on the bed, settling her under the blankets. Then she realized that he was wearing a pair of sweats and a different shirt.

"You brought a bag? How did I not notice that?"

He grinned as he leaned against the bed. "I didn't want to gloat."

"You hid it under the bed."

His grin fell and he scowled. "You ruin my fun."

"Go use the bathroom, Castle."

He gave a little bow and trotted off, leaving her to stare around the room. He'd brought her books, movies, games, food, friends, laughter. He'd provided everything that she needed to be comfortable. He was protecting her and taking her in. It was simple; he had her. Did she want to be had? Yes.

She shook her head. Not _sexually_, though, well…yes to that too. Oh, God. What was she getting into? How had this happened? How had it not happened earlier, sooner? Why had she fought it, again? Why wasn't she fighting it, again?

The questions spun dizzily until the bathroom opened and he came back over to the bed. "You get a good night's sleep, Kate," he said, leaning down to kiss her forehead as he pulled the blanket higher.

"Castle, where are you sleeping?"

He looked confused. "Chairs…"

Kate blinked. He'd brought pajamas to sleep cramped on a hospital chair, or the horrible couch? "Castle, get on the bed."

"What? Kate, no."

"Seriously, get up here."

"There isn't room."

She raised an eyebrow. "That's a lie, and you know it. Now get on the bed, Writer _Man_, unless you want to go back to boy status."

His eyes glinted. "As you wish, _Kate_."

She scooted over and he clambered up, sneaking under the blankets and settling beside her. There was more than enough room for them both. It was a tight fit, but they could lie comfortably side-by-side. He snuggled in beside her and she shut off the lights with the switch by her headboard.

"Are you sure? I'm not squishing you, or anything, right? I'm on the good side?"

"You're hardly ever on my good side," she replied.

"I'm wounded."

"You'll live. But yes, you're on the clean side."

"Good. And I happen to think that I've been on your good side more this year than in previous ones."

Kate shrugged, feeling her shoulder graze his as she did. His hand found hers again and she smiled as his fingers wove between hers.

"See, you're smiling. I _am_ on your good side."

"You can't see me smiling."

"Ha."

Damn him. "Fine. You're not that bad."

"Thank you for that glowing review." Kate laughed and they grew silent, just lying there together. "Kate?"

"Hmm?"

"I…never mind."

She turned slightly to look at his face, hazy in the dark room, with only the faint lights from the bathroom and hallway to see by. "What's up?"

"It's nothing."

"It's never nothing."

"Just…keep getting better, okay?"

Kate felt her heart break a bit. "Castle…Rick, I'm going to get better. You do know that, right?"

"I do, yeah."

"But you don't believe it?"

"You died last night, in my nightmares."

"Oh, Rick."

"I just…I've been here all day. You whooped us in poker a few times. You schooled me in front of my daughter. You're definitely alive. I just…I can't…I scrubbed and scrubbed but I still see your blood on my hands, feel it under my fingers, watch the lights go out."

She felt a tear slip down her cheek and she raised their hands to her mouth to press a kiss to the back of his hand, before she tugged gently. "Roll onto your side."

"Kate."

"That's an order."

He gave a feeble chuckle and did as he was told, releasing her hand to bring his arm up so that he could rest his head on it. She grabbed his opposite hand and brought it to settle over her heart.

"Can you feel that?"

He was silent for a moment. "Yeah, I can."

"I'm alive, Rick."

"I know."

"You don't."

"We're talking. I know you're alive."

She turned her head to look at him and met his eyes in the darkness. "But you're still scared."

"God, Kate, of course I am."

"Can I tell you something?"  
>He smiled. "Anything."<p>

"I'm scared too."

His hand moved from her heart to her cheek and he leaned in to press a kiss to the corner of her mouth. "I'm so sorry."

"Me too," she whispered, pressing her forehead to his, listening to him breath as he held his face there, cradling her to him as gently as was possible.

"We're going to win," he said firmly.

"Rick…"

"And then we're going somewhere. Somewhere warm. And you'll wear a bikini, or nothing, and we're just going to spend a month, or months there. And it will be sunny, and gorgeous, and _safe_ and I won't have to watch you die every night, and you won't have a bullet in your body and we'll just _be._"

Kate smiled against his cheek. It sounded…it sounded amazing. It was a fantasy, and there was so much ahead of them that could rip it all away, before they ever got there. And even now, this moment, was fleeting—the calm before what could be an overwhelming storm. But, with his arm warm on her chest and his breath against her cheek, she could allow the vision to fill her mind. She could allow the man to fill her mind and let her feelings rule for just another minute.

"Okay," she breathed.

"Okay?"

"I'm wearing a bikini," she murmured.

"I'll make you change your mind."

"Good luck," she sighed as she felt sleep closing in on her.

She felt him press another kiss to her cheek before he settled back down beside her. "You mark my words, Katherine Beckett. We're going to make it."


	7. Chapter 7

**Title: Stand With Me**

**Disclaimer: Right now, I have neither a published book, nor a job writing for TV. **

**Summary: Shot, hospitalized and confused, Katherine Beckett wakes up to a changing future. Richard Castle wants to protect her, love her, save her. But there are things she must face, and she can't make him the promises he needs. Post-Knockout continuation. **

**Author's Note: I'm EARLY this week! I wrote it and now I want to share. Woot! See my other Author's Note at the end for more in-depth commentary.**

* * *

><p><strong>Chapter 7:<br>**

The next day passed in a blur of pain and testing. Kate was prodded, lifted up, stood up, laid down, shunted, shifted, put through machines, stuck with needles, probed with stethoscopes and generally pissed off by everyone around her. They'd determined that the damage done to her liver and surrounding tissues was healing well enough to release her on schedule, but that she'd need an extra week of bed rest before she could begin therapy. She was, however, to get up and walk around the loft twice a day to keep her muscles moving.

By the time she was settled in her bed that night, Kate was sore and tired and just angry. She'd been remarkably calm for most of her stay in the hospital, but she couldn't do it anymore. And now she had an extra week of recovery, which meant more therapy for her legs and longer before she was back on her feet, ready to go and able to do her job.

Castle came into the room bearing a smoothie and a cup of yogurt. He placed the food on her table, shut the door and then came to perch on the side of her bed while she glared at the wall.

"Kate?"

"You should leave."

He blinked. "Excuse me?"

"Really. Leave. You'll be glad you did."

"Kate," he placed a hand on her leg. "What's the matter?"

She took a breath and turned to meet his eyes. If he didn't leave soon, he'd get more than he bargained for. But his eyes were calm and confident and _there_ for her to see. She'd probably regret this. "I hurt."

"Oh, hon, I know," he said softly.

Hon. They'd come back to that. "No, Castle. I _hurt_. And then they spent the day putting me in machines and prodding me and sticking things in me. Half the time they didn't even tell me what the hell they were doing! And it all happened so fast that I couldn't ask, but then they'd read out the tests and now I have to spend another damn week in bed, doing nothing. And everything hurts so God damned much. And I want a fucking hamburger, and fries and _coffee_. I can't go back to my apartment. I can't go out. Hell, I can't even leave the hospital like a normal person!"

They'd decided that Kate would leave from the loading dock into an unmarked black car that would go to Castle's building. Once there, they would enter through the staff entrance. There had apparently been attempts to break through hospital security a few times during her stay. They hadn't bothered to mention it until Castle had told her about the run around to leave between tests earlier in the day.

"And you know what the worst part is?" she continued, ignoring the concerned and timid look he was giving her. "I don't even know what I'm hiding from. You haven't told me. But _you_ know. And I can't fight you about it, because I couldn't even stalk after you if I wanted to. You get to take me to your house, hold me there, keep me _safe_ and I can't do a damn thing! I want to fight this, Castle. God, I just want things to go back to normal, but, hell, what is normal, anyway?" she laughed, hearing the hysterical quality in her own voice.

"My boss, my friend, my mentor is dead. He'll never come back. And Raymond already has it in for me, and everyone looks at me like I'm broken. And I _am_. I can't walk right, or change my own clothes without help, or eat. I want to eat, Castle. I just want…I want my life back. But it's gone."

She was surprised to find angry tears flowing down her cheeks and raised a hand to wipe them hastily away, but he got there first. When had he moved to sit by her hip so that they were face to face?

"Oh, Kate. I'm sorry. I'm so sorry."

She laughed. "What do you have to be sorry for? You're trying to protect me. I don't like it. No, I hate it. I want to know what you're keeping from me. But can I be mad that you haven't told me yet? Yes, but not really. I just…don't be sorry." Well, that hadn't made sense to her either.

He gave her a small smile. "Okay. Can I be sorry that you're hurting then?"

She shrugged, twisting her hands in her lap. "I'm stronger than this."

He sighed and let his hands fall to take hers. "Kate, you've been amazing this past week. You've healed so much in such a short amount of time. And that extra week of pure recovery? You'll be so much better for it. But hurting? Hon, that's human. If you weren't, I'd be worried about you."

"Hon."

He blushed. "Beckett didn't seem like the right endearment."

She gave a shaking laugh. "Just know that I will be extremely creative in coming up with one for you."

He grinned. "Oh, that's a challenge I whole heartedly accept."

Kate felt herself smile for the first time all day. She yawned and felt her body sag more than normal, like expelling all of the upset had taken the last bit of resolve she'd been holding onto all day.

"You're sleepy," he murmured.

"Exhausted," she admitted.

He squeezed her hands and then stood. "Do you want to get ready for bed?"

Kate glanced at the clock. "It's seven."

"You had six tests today, and blood samples, and other samples, and a host of things I can't even imagine. You're bound to be completely wiped. And we want you as rested as you can be for tomorrow."

"Fine," she sighed. She took the hands he offered and they got her over to the bathroom. She slid inside and made short, though slow work of using the bathroom and brushing her teeth. Her stomach gurgled. Great, now her smoothie would taste like spearmint.

She came out and took his proffered arm, letting him help her walk back to the bed. She hurt and she was heavy. But she wanted to eat before she passed out. She'd discovered that without the IV, her stomach had been in knots with the lack of real food. If she forgot to eat, it wouldn't be pretty.

She settled in the bed and reached for her smoothie, smirking around the straw as he raised an eyebrow. Then she made a face. Spearmint and mango really weren't a great combination.

"You forgot to eat, brushed your teeth and are now regretting it."

"Thanks, I never would have figured that one out," she replied as he settled near her knees and grabbed a bag from the table, pulling out a muffin. "Is that your dinner?"

He shrugged and nodded around his mouthful. "I didn't feel like much."

Kate narrowed her eyes. "What's up?"

"Oh, you can eat skittles for dinner, but I can't eat a muffin?"

"You're the one who's crazy about balanced, or at least full meals. Spill."

"It's nothing," he brushed her off.

Not fair. "No, you have to tell me. I can't know about the archives, or the security or the conspiracy, so I'll have to settle with weaseling things out of you. See how you like it. Let's dissect the Rick Onion tonight."

He looked taken aback. "Whoa. Okay, um, Kate? It's nothing significant."

"Then tell me."

He sighed. "I'm nervous."

"Nervous."

"Yes."

"Why?"

He gave her an 'oh please,' look. "You're coming home tomorrow."

"Reason for me to be worried, yes. Reason for you to be nervous, I'm not so sure."

"Look. You know about how we're getting you out. So I'm sure you understand that this isn't really a low-stakes getaway. And once we're back, not only is there security, but we have to make sure that you're taken care of, and I don't want to mess that up. On top of that…"

Kate felt her irritation fall away. She'd just been mean to the man who was taking her in, at great personal risk. "On top of that?" she asked quietly.

His head jerked up at the change in her tone and he met her gaze. "We're…our relationship…things are different."

"Yeah," she breathed, looking down at the hands they'd wound together without her noticing.

"And, I'm happy about that," he said quickly. "But, there's a lot we haven't talked about, and I don't think we're ready to," he continued, meeting her wide eyes. "But that's, you know, another layer."

"And, you're just as exhausted as me."

He laughed. "That too."

She gave him a small smile as a yawn split her face. "You should head home."

"Oh, uh, I hadn't been planning to," he said.

"Oh."

"I mean, if you want me to…"

"No, it's okay. You can stay. But, uh, I'm gonna pass out soon."

"That's okay," he said, patting her leg as he crumpled up the bag with his muffin. "I have my laptop."

She narrowed her eyes. "And when you're done writing, where are you sleeping?"

"Chairs."

"This is a broken record."

"I'm not going to wake you up to climb into bed, Kate."

She stared at him. That statement sounded so odd, even though they both knew that there was nothing floating in the background this time. "So get up here and write until you're tired. Then go to sleep," she suggested, scooting over before lying down.

"You're serious."

"Rick, if you're tired enough to admit to being nervous, you need to sleep."

He considered her for a long moment and then grabbed his laptop bag and climbed onto the bed, shifting carefully until he was comfortable. "The nurses don't mind?"

Kate shrugged. "Does it matter?"

He laughed. "No, guess not."

He reached over and shut the light off before opening his laptop. Kate snuggled into the blankets and listened to the soft taping of keys. Who would have thought, three years ago, that she'd someday fall asleep to the sound of Richard Castle typing in her bed? She sighed. She certainly wouldn't have imagined that scenario like this.

"You okay?" he asked.

"Yeah," she whispered tiredly.

He smiled and moved a hand to lay it gently on her stomach, far above her wound. "Go to sleep, Sweetie."

She cracked an eye open to look at him. "You get Hon or Sweetie. Not both. If it's both, I get Kitten."

He glared at her. "You can't call me Kitten. I saved your life." She met his gaze. They were quiet for a moment. "Anything but Kitten."

"I'll think on it."

"Sleep now, think later," he admonished, letting his thumb brush circles against her skin.

She felt herself being lulled to sleep. The last thing she thought as the world went completely dark was that Richard Castle was sweet, and that wasn't odd to think about anymore.

...

"Is it part of the plan to make me feel a bit like a mob boss being hidden by WITSEC?" Kate asked as they lifted her into the van and secured her in the reclining seat that had been provided.

"If it makes this less heinous? Totally," Rick laughed, buckling in next to her while Javi and Kevin secured the area and then hopped inside. Everyone, including her, was wearing a vest. The boys were carrying firearms and she spotted a few police cruisers as they pulled away.

They didn't speak much as they made their way from the hospital to Rick's apartment. Everyone was tense, and though Kate had been kept in the dark, she wasn't blind to the risks involved. Yes, they were unmarked. Yes, they were protected on all sides, but this wasn't a normal team they were dealing with.

"How you doin'?" Rick asked after about ten minutes. "Pain okay?"

Kate nodded. She hurt, and every bump was causing pain to shoot across her abdomen, but it was overshadowed by the magnitude of the situation. Being in the hospital had been like being in a protective bubble. Now, she was exposed, and she was exposing Rick and his wonderful family along with her.

"Cas…Rick, the risk is enormous. Alexis, your moth…"

He placed a gentle finger to her lips. "You're safest with us. We're safest with you. End of story."

"But…"

"Nope. Now, relax and try to breathe evenly, see if that helps stop the pain every time we run over a bump." He gave her a gentle smile and took her hand, squeezing lightly.

Javi and Kevin studiously avoided looking at them and instead exchanged significant glances. Ten minutes later, they were pulling into the back entrance of his building and everyone went on alert. Javi and Kevin jumped out first, guns at the ready, while Rick and the team at the front of the van helped lower her to the ground and into a wheelchair. They moved quickly, racing into the building, the doors slamming closed with an abrupt finality. Kate let out a breath but a bark from Javier made her turn.

"Hands up!" he shouted at a frightened looking bellboy. "Who are you?"

The kid, no more than twenty, looked utterly terrified and quickly complied. "J…James Grantham. I'm here to take you into the elevator?"

Javier looked back at Rick, who was scrolling through names on his phone with one hand and the other sitting securely on Kate's shoulder. "He's good," he proclaimed after a minute.

"Sorry kid," Javi said with a shrug. "Protocol."

"Okay," James stammered. "Um, the elevator's right here and everything's guarded on the upper levels, like you asked for, Mr. Castle."

"Thank you James," Rick said as he wheeled Kate into the waiting elevator, Javier and Kevin following them in to stand as a barricade in front of the doors. The doors closed, leaving James shaking on the other side.

"God, I hope he recovers," Kate said lightly. "Way to scare the shit out of him, Esposito."

Javi turned to look back at her briefly. "No one shoots my boss."

Kate stared at the back of her head. The time in the hospital had blinded her to everything. This was serious. This was extremely serious. Javier, Espo, never acted like that. They were her boys, but they didn't have to…Rick's hand squeezed her shoulder.

"We'll make a new normal, Kate," he said, leaning down to whisper in her ear.

She nodded mutely and brought her hand up to squeeze his once before letting it fall back into her lap. The doors opened a minute later and they all stepped out, Javi and Kevin flanking them as they made their way to Rick's door. He pulled out his key and turned the doorknob, swinging the door open and quickly pushing her inside. The boys followed and then shut the door, locking it securely.

Kate was about to turn to them when a mass of red hair blurred her vision and she was being attacked in a fierce, yet gentle, hug.

"Kate! You're here! You look better!"

"Alexis," Kate laughed, giving the girl a small squeeze before easing back from her, aided by her father, who rolled Kate backward. "Funny. I didn't think you'd be the one to attack me."

There was a round of nervous, relieved laughter at this and Alexis grinned at her. "I'm so glad you're here. How are you feeling?"

Kate smiled. "I'm okay. Tired, but okay."

"Speaking of which, let's get you onto the couch," Rick said, pushing her toward the living room. "Guys, can you stay?"

"Wouldn't miss it," Javi replied, putting the safety on before unholstering his impressive gun and leaving it by the door. "Now, little Castle, don't go anywhere near the guns."

"But if you don't lock them up, how will I know not to try and swallow the bullets?" she asked seriously.

Kevin laughed. "We need you around more, Alexis. You're great."

She blushed and they all trooped after Kate and Rick. Kate took his hands and together they lifted her out of the chair and shifted her over and onto the couch. She hit the pillows and let out a sigh, sinking slowly into the soft leather.

"Water?" Rick asked, putting a pillow under her feet.

"Thanks," she replied, watching as he wheeled her chair over to his office and pushed it inside before turning and going into the kitchen.

"Kate, Dear. Good to have you home," Martha said, materializing from the corner of the room.

"Martha," Kate said, attempting to sit up.

"No, no. Don't move on my account," she waved her off. "I'm glad to see you up and about though. No trouble getting here?"

"Everything went according to plan, Mrs. R," Kevin told her as he sat down in an armchair while Javi sat down on the floor, leaning against the armrest. Alexis plopped down in the opposite armchair, and Martha took a seat on the far end of the couch, where it extended into an 'L' shape.

"I'm glad to hear it," Martha smiled. "And you gentlemen have been keeping safe?"

"Safe as we can," Javi replied.

"The best we can ask for, I suppose," the actress replied. "Now, should I order in for us? Are we cleared for delivery?"

"Castle's got a list," Kevin nodded.

"Really?" Kate asked.

Alexis nodded. "Safe places that won't poison our food or send homicidal delivery kids to kill the doormen and then storm the loft."

Kate blinked. "That's…"

"Paranoid, but necessary," Rick replied, entering with a tray and six waters. "Drinks all around."

He passed them out and then put his own drink on the coffee table. He turned to her, gave her an appraising look, lifted her feet, removed the pillow, and replaced it with himself, letting her feet fall into his lap. There was silence for a moment.

"Chinese sounds good, Mrs. R," Kevin said, glancing around and pointedly ignoring Kate and Rick, who were having a staring contest.

Rick absently passed his phone to his mother, who turned to Alexis to pour over the 'approved list.' Kate looked at him. Here they were, in his apartment, her feet in his lap, a list of 'secured' take-away restaurants on his speed dial, and a line that had just been crossed. Did she care? Would it matter? He was going to keep touching her. If she denied it, he'd just use the two hours she owed him to give her massages and wrap her bandages and everything. It wouldn't be inappropriate, but it would be physical.

And he'd done it in front of their friends! She glanced at Javi and Kevin, who were eyeing Rick's entertainment system and paying them absolutely no mind. Martha and Alexis were wrapped up in a debate over two Chinese places, and Rick…Rick was rubbing her foot, and damn it, it felt good.

"Fold," she said quietly.

He grinned and met her eyes. "Thanks."

She nudged his hands with her foot. "Massage, Slave."

He laughed. "Knew there was a catch."

"Damn straight."

...

"Goodnight, Kate," Alexis said, coming around the couch to kiss her on the cheek. Kate startled slightly at the contact, but then smiled at patted the girl's cheek.

"Night, Lex. See you after school? I probably won't be up to see you off."

Alexis smiled. "No worries. Movie night again?"

"Definitely."

"Great. Night, Dad," she added, pecking her father on the cheek. She turned and went upstairs, leaving the two of them alone in the living room.

The boys had gotten called for a body mid-way through lunch and had made their apologies and grudgingly accepted both Kate and Rick's gratitude for their help with the guard. They left in high spirits, anticipating a Madden weekend, in which they hoped to force Kate to participate.

She, Rick, Alexis and Martha had then spent the afternoon watching movies until Martha had to leave to teach a night class. Now Alexis was upstairs and Kate felt uneasy for the first time all day.

"What'cha thinking?" Rick asked, patting her foot. They were still in the same position, her feet in his lap and his hands running circles over her toes and up her legs.

"Tired. Sore. Surreal," she replied, staring up at the ceiling, the TV forgotten. "It's all very real suddenly."

"I'd bet," he replied quietly.

"And I can't help feeling…Rick, are you sure you're ready for this? I know you've got everyone and his brother working this but…but that girl upstairs—I'd never forgive myself or you if something happened to her."

She opened her eyes and met his gaze, surprised to find him looking at her with _that_ look—the look that spoke of affection and respect. "We decided as a family that you were worth it, Kate." Her breath caught and she felt her eyes widen. "But," he laughed. "Tonight is not the night for that conversation. Now, we're switching rooms…"

"What?"

"Well, you can't climb the stairs, so you'll take my room for now, and I'll take the guest room where you stayed last year."

"I can't take your bedroom," she protested.

He eyed her skeptically. "You're gonna climb the stairs?"

She sighed. "Fine. But know that I'm not happy about it."

He smiled. "You wouldn't be you if you were. Now, are you tired enough to sleep, you think?"

She nodded. It was only around eight, but she was exhausted, and she was practically falling asleep on the couch anyway. He slipped out from under her feet and stood, moving over to help her sit up and then steady her as she threw her feet over the side of the couch. She braced herself on his forearms and he helped her stand.

"You think you can make it?"

"I'm supposed to, right? Gotta walk around at least once more today."

He nodded and together they walked achingly slowly over to the office and through to his bedroom. The pain meds she'd taken with her milkshake (she'd have to get Rick to make those every day; they were nirvana) would hold until the next morning, but she was still sore as hell. Each step was a special brand of hell. Finally, they made it to the bed and Rick helped her sink down onto it.

"I need to change," she said wearily, leaning her head into his stomach. "But I'm so tired."

He rubbed her back and let her use him as a vertical pillow, a fact that she should have been more concerned about. But he was solid, and she was sagging and it hardly mattered.

"Do you want me to bring you clothes? I know we brought your pajamas and stuff. We can go through tomorrow and have Lanie bring whatever we forgot tomorrow night."

"Okay," she replied, letting him shift her so that she was lying down. Then he went and rummaged through her drawers. "Wait, Rick, are you going through my underwear?"

He turned, his hand still in her delicates drawer. "You need pajama pants. Are you going commando?"

She blushed. "That's none of your business."

"Kate," he sighed, shaking his head. "I'm getting your clothes. I'm probably going to help dress you for a while. I promise to get back to the innuendo soon, since you're obviously missing it so much. But right now? I just want to get you into bed so you can sleep."

She met his eyes and nodded. "No underwear, just new sweats and a button down if you can find one? Pulling stuff on and off hurts like hell."

"I don't know that we have any of yours, but I can go grab one of mine. Can you get your pants on and off alone?" he asked, returning to her side to hand her the pants.

"Yeah, long as I'm lying down."

"Okay, I'll be back in a few. If it hurts, just wait. I won't look."

"I know."

He smiled. "Okay. Color preference?"

"Surprise me."

He trotted out of the room and she sighed, rolling gingerly onto her back. She shimmed out of her current sweats, too embarrassed to admit that she was going commando under those too. She gingerly lifted one leg and then the other, pulling the sweats up as far as she could without lifting her pelvis. She hurt. The pain in her abdomen was harsh and she really didn't want to go any farther. But that meant…

"Hey. Are you decent?" he asked from the doorway, a hand over his eyes.

"I…" she shifted so that the old sweats covered her lower half. "I need help," she admitted quietly. The hitch in her voice didn't go unnoticed by either of them.

"Okay," he said softly, padding over to stand in front of her. "Put my hands where they need to be, and keep that over you, then I'll help you raise up, no worries."

She smiled, her face beet red, and did as she was told. They got her pants up without incident. "Thanks."

"Anything," he replied. "Let's sit you up and get this on you." He helped her sit and then slid up behind her while she unsteadily unzipped the hoodie she was wearing over her bra. "Side your bra off, and I'll help you into the sleeves," he said gently. "Can't see anything I haven't seen before."

She laughed and complied. "If the dresses you got me were higher in the back, you'd have seen less."

"You're just lucky I didn't look when you almost blew up."

"Right," she sighed. "Gotta stop having you save my ass. You see too much of it."

He laughed and helped her slip into the sleeves. "It's a nice ass."

"Castle."

"Oh, we're back to Castle. I'll lay off."

She just shook her head and tried to do up all the buttons of the green shirt, but found that her coordination faltered after the first few, the exhaustion and slight tremors making it impossible to button the damn thing up.

"Rick," she sighed.

"Yeah?" He was rubbing soft circles on her back.

"Can you button this the rest of the way?" she asked in a low voice.

He shifted around her and then slid off the bed to kneel in front of her. She'd managed to cover herself enough, but she just couldn't get the rest of the buttons.

"Asking for help isn't wrong, Kate," he said quietly as he did the buttons up, his fingers lingering over her wound before continuing up to one above her cleavage. "You're hurt. I just want to help, and right now, you don't need modesty."

"Rick."

"In a few months, you're more than welcome to surprise me in bed in a little black number that leaves even less to the imagination, but right now? I just want to help you get into the bathroom so you can go to sleep."

She met his gaze, feeling his fingers squeezing where they'd fallen to rest against her hips. "Okay."

He stood and helped her up, guiding them to the bathroom, his arms supporting most of her weight. Once inside, she was sluggish, leaning heavily against the counter, and spending more time sitting on the toilet, simply trying to gain the energy to stand back up, than she'd have liked. But she made it out, right into his waiting arms, and they got her back onto the big, ridiculously comfortable bed.

He helped her settle in under the blankets, placing pillows on either side of her body.

"I'm not going to fall out," she laughed.

"I know that," he replied evenly. She looked at his face. He was worried that she would.

"I'll be okay. Thank you, Rick," she said, taking one of the hands he was running over the bedspread. "You're…you're taking really good care of me."

He smiled down at her. "There's nothing I'd rather do, Kate."

She patted the bed and he sat down next to her hip, turned off the lights and helped her prop another pillow behind her back so that they were eye to eye in the dim light from the office.

"You're not going to stay awake writing, are you?" she asked.

He shrugged. "Might. It's early yet."

"What's on your agenda for tomorrow?"

"Hanging with you. Giving you space when needed. Writing. Making some calls. Movie night with you guys, if I'm invited."

"If you're invited?" she snorted. "Won't you just barge in?"

"Not if it's girl time."

"Really."

"Hey, I've had a teenage daughter for long enough to know that you don't mess with girl time. You should invite Lanie to stay."

Kate considered his offer. "That doesn't sound bad."

He leaned toward her conspiratorially. "Might even be fun." She swatted at his arm without malice and he grinned. "But now, you need to sleep."

She shrugged. "Yeah."

He looked at her. "Kate, are you okay?"

"Fine," she smiled. The fact that this was a different place and that would probably ensure that she had nightmares wasn't a facet of the Beckett Onion she wanted to peel with him.

"Nightmares?"

So much for privacy. "Sometimes."

"New place?" God, was he in her head?

She sighed. "Yeah. Hospitals and strange rooms…they're not the best for a recovering psyche. But, I'll be okay."

He shook his head. "Hang tight."

He hopped off the bed and went out into his office. She slid down, shifting until she was lying comfortably, staring up at the ceiling. What was the point of keeping things from him if he could just figure them out on his own? When it was all over, would she even have secrets left to keep him guessing anymore?

He came back in a few minutes later, dressed in sweats and an old tee shirt with his laptop tucked under one arm. He walked around to the far side of the bed and stole the pillows he'd placed on her right. He got under the covers, propped himself up, opened his laptop and then looked over at her.

She blinked. "Assuming much, Pookie?"

He snorted. "Pookie?"

"I told you I'd find you a pet name."

He shook his head. "Mine are sweet and full of l-care. Yours is insulting."

"Cupcake?"

"No."

"Sugarpie?"

"No."

"Hunky Boy?"

"No. You already have Writer Boy-Slash-Man."

"But that's not a pet name, pet name."

"Honey," he said with false sweetness. "Go to bed."

Kate laughed. "As you wish, your Majesty."

"Ooh, that one has merit."

"No," she laughed.

"Sleep," he replied, running his free hand through her hair. "I'll be right here if you need me."

She stared up at him. He noticed her looking and smiled before turning to his laptop, opening a document and reading. His hand continued to comb through her hair and she felt her eyes growing heavy.

"Night, Kate."

"Night, Babe."

* * *

><p><strong>Author's note II:<strong>** So, this is going to be a turning point. I have many ideas about where I want to take this, and how their relationship is going to progress, but I have a feeling that I'm not going to stick as closely to the 'relationship' spoilers as I might have previously thought. They keep changing, and right now, Rick and Kate have ideas that I think Andrew Marlowe would both approve of, and never use, since it sounds like he wants us to be in agony until AT LEAST the middle of the season. SIGH (That's speculation, btw).  
><strong>

** I hope you stick with me for the ride. I think you'll find their relationship, fights, fluff and development entertaining, and as close to character as I can make them.**

**Let me know what you think so far. The response to this story has been amazing, and I'm really honored by how many of you are on alerts, reviewing and favoriting. Thank you so much. **

**Emma**


	8. Chapter 8

**Title: Stand With Me**

**Disclaimer: Dreams of publishing and writing for life are all I can claim.**

**Summary: Shot, hospitalized and confused, Katherine Beckett wakes up to a changing future. Richard Castle wants to protect her, love her, save her. But there are things she must face, and she can't make him the promises he needs. Post-Knockout continuation. **

**Author's Note: Some big things are happening in my life right now, and dealing with them took more time this weekend than I thought it would. So this is a short chapter. You'll get a longer one soon, but I wanted to have **_**something**_** out for tonight. And, well, I don't think it's bad. **

**A scene between our two favorite people. Let me know what you think.  
><strong>

**Emma**

* * *

><p><strong>Chapter 8:<strong>

"Kate."

Blood. So much blood. Blinding light. Screaming. Pain. Lifeless eyes. Cold hands. Pleas to stay. Pleas to wake up. Don't go. No. Stay. Please. Don't leave. Stop. No. Stay with me! Come on, no! Stay with me! Don't die!

"Kate!"

Kate startled and then cried out as pain shot through her system, white hot and burning. "Damn," she hissed as she forced herself to lie still.

Then she felt gentle hands running over her cheek and arm. "Kate, you're awake. Everything's okay. Breathe, hon. In and out. Come on."

"R…Rick?" she asked, blinking. Somewhere between waking and dreaming, pain and lucidity, Kate found his face in the darkness.

"I'm right here," he murmured. "You were dreaming."

It made sense now. The pain made sense. The unfamiliar sheets under her sweaty clothes made sense. The different smell—different but familiar—made sense now.

"Night…nightmare," she rasped.

The hands that ran gentle circles over her skin moved to prop her up. She hissed at the pain, but knew that she needed to be sitting. She'd probably need to shower or something too. She was sticky and clammy and she wasn't quite awake yet. The hands left her body and then a straw was at her lips. She gulped the water down and then sagged against the pillows. Everything ached.

"How you doin'?"

Kate met his eyes. "I'm okay."

"Bull."

"Rick, I really don't want to get into it." She could remember the dream now. He'd bled out under her hands. And then she'd been shot, and she couldn't call for help. And in the distance, there was screaming and chaos. She saw flashes of red hair and snatches of uniforms, but everything went black with Rick's blood pouring out onto her fingers.

He searched her eyes for a moment. "Okay," he whispered, leaning over to brush her hair from her face. "What can I do to help? You were thrashing for a minute and when I held you down, you were drenched. Do you want a shower?"

"I…" she started. She was shaking, just sitting there propped up. She wouldn't be able to stand in the shower. "I don't think I can."

He gave her a gentle smile. "There's a seat in there. You won't have to stand."

"Oh."

"And I can sit right on the other side, just in case."

She bobbed her head. She didn't really know what to think. She was still so confused. Everything made sense, but she was hazy from the dream and the pain and the dehydration. She reached over and got the cup, watching almost objectively as she brought it to her body with shaking hands. "What time is it?" She asked before taking another sip.

His hands came to steady hers as the cup threatened to fall. How was it so heavy?

"It's about 3:30."

"In the morning?"

He chuckled. "Tends to be dark out then, yeah."

She didn't have the energy to whack him. "Why? Why am I awake now?"

He took the cup when she'd drained it and leaned around her to put it back on the bedside table. Then he shifted so that he sat facing her. He took one of her hands and twined their fingers together, letting his other hand rest on her knee.

"Kate, you're hurt."

"Thanks. That's really helpful," she groused.

"You're bound to sleep odd hours and do things differently for a while. You've been asleep for seven hours already, and you had a nightmare. It's normal, you know."

"I just," she looked down at their hands. "Never mind. I don't know that I can…showering sounds like…"

"If it's too much, let's just get you into the bathroom to change clothes and wipe you down, okay?"

She blanched. "You are not copping a feel just because it's the middle of the night, Castle."

He laughed. "I'm glad that the hour doesn't keep you from being you, Kate."

"I'm serious!" she barked. "You can't just…God, no."

"Kate," he met her eyes. "You're sweaty. I think you're right, and a shower isn't the best idea, but you need to not be sweaty. I can get your back and your legs, and you can do the rest. Seriously, I'm not trying to feel you up right now."

She sighed. She felt disgusting and a 'wipe down' sounded heavenly. And she wouldn't be able to get there and back without him. She couldn't reach her back. She couldn't bend to do her knees. But letting him do it?

"Honestly. I'll be a perfect gentleman."

She arched an eyebrow and appraised him. What the hell. "And what if I want you be ungentlemanly?" His eyes widened and his mouth fell. She laughed. "God, you're so easy!"

He scowled as he got off the bed and came around to her side to help her swing her legs over. "You're evil," he told her as he helped her stand.

They swayed for a second as she clenched her eyes shut at the pain of it all. "You okay?"

"Yes," she hissed.

She opened her eyes and met his gaze. He leaned in and pressed a kiss to her temple before stepping backward, guiding her to follow him with tiny steps.

"You're already doing better," he said quietly as they reached the door to the bathroom.

"Tell me that when I can take suspects down."

"How about when you can climb the stairs?" he offered.

"Fine."

He flicked the lights on and led her over to sit on the closed toilet seat. He rummaged in one of the cabinets and took out a washcloth. He looked at her for a minute before he left the bathroom and she heard him going through a drawer in the bedroom. She sat quietly, trying to ignore the sharp ache that seemed to be everywhere.

He came back in holding a bra. "What do you want me to do with that?" she asked, perplexed.

"This way, you can have your shirt off, but still have your privacy. I can get the backs of your knees without taking the sweats off."

She smiled weakly. "Thank you."

"Anything," he replied, just as he always seemed to. He knelt down in front of her and began undoing the buttons to her shirt, careful to keep her covered.

She just watched, too tired to fight and too sticky and uncomfortable to move. When he had the shirt opened, he handed her the bra, stood, and turned away.

"You know, Rick," she said as she slowly pulled the shirt off and got the bra straps over her arms. "You're so calm and collected. It's…it's not like you," she finished, the statement ending much less confidently than it had begun. "You can turn around," she added softly.

He did, his face set in a small, sad smile. "I'll hook it for you," he told her as he wet the washcloth and came to stand in front of her. He handed the cloth to her and then reached around to hook the garment on with a skill that was impressive.

"I thought men were supposed to be good at taking those _off_," Kate said as she wiped down her arms. Everything was very heavy.

"I like to be good at both ends of things," he said with a shrug. "And, as for how calm and collected I am?" He knelt again, taking the cloth from her when it was obvious that she couldn't do it anymore. He spoke quietly as he trailed the warm cloth over her clammy skin, taking time to wipe over her neck and shoulders. "You're hurt, and you need me to be here for you. When I'm not collected, Kate, I want you right there with me, losing control. Right now? I just want to make you better."

He leaned back and met her eyes. She reached up with an unsteady hand and cupped his cheek. "Thank you," was all she could manage, not for the tiredness or the soreness, but for the tight chest and whirring mind his words had evoked. This man was willing to do so much for her, and she'd…God, she'd sent him away, and yelled at him and…

"Rick…"

"Shh," he replied, leaning up to press a kiss to her cheek as he wrapped his arms around her to run the cloth over her back. "Later, Kate," he whispered.

"But I want…"

"I know. And I _know_, Kate," he said, pulling back so that they could look at each other. "I know. I understand. God, it killed me too, Kate, all of it."

"But you kept showing up."

He nodded. "It's what I do. And Kate, nothing, _nothing_, that happened in these past two weeks is anything I'll ever hold against you."

"How can you not?"

"Because I can. Because you're you, and I'm me, and it's _us_. And, I'm Richard Castle, I can do what I want."

She laughed, just like he'd wanted her to. He grinned and leaned down to raise the legs of her pants, bringing the moist towel to the backs of her knees.

"Sorry," she grimaced, as he ran a hand down her leg, rough with week old stubble.

"Kate," he rolled his eyes. "You think stubble is going to turn me away?"

She shrugged and looked down at her hands. "Some guys really hate it."

There was a pause. "Can I kill that Doctor?"

She met his eyes and gave a tired laugh. "No, you can't. But yes, he was one of _those_ guys."

"Well, I don't care about stubble," Rick proclaimed. "It's the legs underneath that I think are sexy."

She just shook her head. "How are you so charming at three in the morning?"

"You admit I'm charming?"

Kate just sighed and extended her hands to him when he stood. "Thank you, Rick," she said as he helped her up.

"You don't have to thank me, you know," he said as they shuffled out of the bathroom. "This isn't a burden to me. You aren't a burden to me."

They were quiet as they made their way to the bed and then settled her under the blankets. "It'll take me time to believe that," she admitted. She owed him much more than that, but he wouldn't let her say any of it, so she settled for what honesty she could give him.

He grabbed another dress shirt and extended it to her. When had he brought that in? He moved to her side to unhook the bra and then turned to allow her to slip it off and get her arms into the new shirt. She managed to do two buttons, ensuring that she was covered enough for the night.

"I'm decent."

He turned and looked at her. "Yeah, not really the right adjective for you. But you get a pass, it's early." She glared while he made his way to the other side of the bed and got in, turning to lie on his side so he could look at her. "And, I'm patient, you know."

"Yeah, right. You're the opposite of patient."

"Most of the time, yeah," he grinned. "But for this? I save my patience for things like this. I have a great big store of it just waiting to be used, and I woke up the other day and thought, 'gee, you know what? I should give that patience to Kate. I bet she'd appreciate it!'"

Kate just shook her head as she felt herself sinking exhaustedly into the mattress. "I can't wait to be able to go to the bathroom without feeling like I've run a marathon."

"You'll get there. For now, go to sleep," he said softly, reaching over to smooth an errant hair from her face. "And dream sweet dreams."

"Of what? Normal murders and coffee?"

He laughed. "Yes. I'll do the same. We can compare odd deaths in the morning."

Kate giggled and felt herself being pulled under. She reached for his hand in the darkness wanting to connect to him. Her walls were falling down, and she was simply too tired to build them back up. His fingers wrapped around hers and she smiled just as everything went black.


	9. Chapter 9

**Title: Stand With Me**

**Disclaimer: I don't own **_**Castle**_**.**

**Summary: Shot, hospitalized and confused, Katherine Beckett wakes up to a changing future. Richard Castle wants to protect her, love her, save her. But there are things she must face, and she can't make him the promises he needs. Post-Knockout continuation. **

**Author's Note: **First, all of you must see _For Lovers Only,_ if you haven't already. Now. Well, after you read this.  
><strong>**

**I wrestled with this chapter but am ultimately happy with how it came out. It's got a slightly different flavor and, well, you'll see.**

**As always, comments and thoughts are very much appreciated.**

**Emma**

* * *

><p><strong>Chapter 9:<strong>

"Morning, sleepyhead," Rick greeted.

Kate groaned and blinked against the harsh light of the sun that poured through the windows. "What time s'it?" she mumbled.

"About noon," he replied, putting something down on the bedside table.

"Noon?" she asked, confused. "You're kidding."

"Not at all," he laughed. "We figured we should let you sleep."

"We?**"**

** "**Mother just left for school and Alexis has been gone since seven."

"Oh, right," Kate replied, feeling a bit foolish now. She started to sit up and was unsurprised to find him there, helping her adjust to lean back against the pillows. He turned and placed a tray on her lap. "Real food? Really?" she asked, looking down at the cream of wheat and jello on her lap. "And in such a weird combo?"

He laughed. "I called the hospital and they said that we should start you on solids today, but just light stuff. I wasn't exactly prepared to make mushy food, and had been planning to ask you what you wanted when you got up, but you're due for a pill and you need food."

She just smiled and picked up her spoon. "This looks fantastic." She took a bite and groaned. "It is fantastic. Oh, God, this is my life, isn't it?" she sighed as she looked down at the hot cereal. "Getting excited about mushy cereal and jello."

He just smiled and moved to the other side of the bed, climbing up to settle next to her. He reached over and dipped a finger into her bowl. She batted at his hand but he managed to scoop some out, and she watched as he brought it to his mouth and sucked it off his finger. "Well," he said, keeping eye contact, more than aware of what he'd just done. "It is delicious, so I figure you've got every right to be excited."

She narrowed her eyes but couldn't quite suppress the grateful smile. "Be glad I'm too interested in eating this to bother hitting you for that."

"Thanks goodness for small favors, then," he grinned, leaning back against her pillows. "My bed is obscenely comfortable."

She turned to look at him and felt his arm behind her. Smooth. "Well, you've yet to sleep in the guest room. It's comfy there too."

He met her gaze. "I hope I didn't overstep last night."

She hadn't meant that at all. "No, no. You didn't. Thank you, actually." She looked down and busied herself with eating. She couldn't tell him how much it really meant that he'd been willing to stay with her just to keep her nightmares at bay. And she wasn't fully comfortable with how much she'd needed him to in the first place. "And, uh, for, you know, in the middle there." He'd given her a sponge bath. Holy Hell.

He reached over with his free arm and placed his hand on her knee. "It's no trouble at all, KB." She just nodded and continued eating. It really did taste amazing. "You should take that pill before you're done, put something on top of it."

She glanced over and obliged, swallowing the pill. "That's not how it works, you know. The stomach's just one big churn. Nothing goes 'on top' of anything else."

He laughed. "Oh, I know. Just don't tell Alexis. I still use that when she's sick."

Kate picked up her bowl of jello, happy to see that her hands weren't shaking, and looked over at him. "I'm sure she knows that already."

He gasped. "What? How? She's still five and doesn't know the meaning of vocabulary."

"I'm sure she knows the meaning of a number of words you'd rather not think about," Kate countered.

He glared at her. "See if I make you milkshake later."

"No. I'm sorry. I'm sorry," she backpedaled. "She's innocent. Completely and utterly innocent. She doesn't even know how to swear."

"Thank you. I'm completely appeased. You get your milkshake."

She tried not to smile. She really did. "So, I've missed the morning. What's on tap for the afternoon?"

"Well, I'm sure you'll want to shower. You look like you're feeling a bit better." He waited for her nod before continuing, "So I guess you should do that now. Then I can help you into the living room for a change of scenery?"

"That sounds good," she replied as she finished off the jello. "This was great."

"There's more where that came from. And, while you're resting, I can go out and get more. Pudding, jello, more cereal, soups, ice cream—the world of soft food is there for you to enjoy, Kate."

"I'll think on it then," she laughed, watching as he clambered back off the bed to take the tray off her lap. Then he was there, extending his arms for her to help her out of bed.

She carefully swung her legs over the edge and took a deep breath as she scooted to the edge. It wasn't as painful as before, but it still hurt. Damn, it hurt a lot.

"You okay?" he asked as she put weight on her feet and together they lifted her from the bed.

She clenched her eyes shut for a moment before opening them to meet his concerned gaze. "Hurts," she replied, proud of the easiness in her voice. "But not as much as yesterday, or last night."

He gave her a sad smile. "That's good. Ready to walk?"

She nodded and they made their slow way over the bathroom. He helped her inside and lowered her onto the toilet seat. Then he turned and started the shower, leaving the door slightly open so that steam started to fill the room.

"Do you need any more help?" he asked, glancing around. "The seat's in there, and everything's within reach. I'll be right outside in case you need me."

Kate glanced at the shower, seeing everything where he said it would be. She felt better, she really did. But she'd need to use the bathroom first, and then brush her teeth after…there was a good chance that at some point, it would all become too much.

"Um, could…" she trailed off, unsure of whether or not she wanted to ask for it, and whether it was okay to need to.

"Could?" he asked gently, coming to stand in front of her.

"I need to use the bathroom, and then I'll get in, but, um…could you come back and sit…I'm being stupid," she shook her head.

"I'd be happy to sit here while you're in there. Just pull the curtain and give me a call, okay? I'll need to change your bandage after too. You need to sit away from the spray so that it's not directly on the wound, but you know that." She nodded. "I'll be just outside. Gimme a holler."

"Thank you," she whispered, somewhere between mortified and extremely grateful.

He smiled. "Never a problem, Kate." He left the bathroom, shutting the door quietly behind him.

Kate glanced around, now very aware that she'd need to stand and sit on her own a number of times. Then she noticed the bars that were around the toilet. Had those been there last night? She carefully lifted herself and flipped the lid to the toilet up before pushing her pants down with one hand. She sat and used the bathroom and then took the opportunity to kick her pants off and remove her shirt before standing.

She took a deep breath and hobbled into the shower, clutching at the walls for support. The shower chair had an actual back. She sighed in relief and sank down into it, feeling the hot spray of the shower cascade down around her. It felt _good_. She drew the curtain and then called out for Rick.

The door opened and she heard him come in, close the lid to the toilet and sit down. "How you doin' in there?"

She hummed in response. "It's great."

"Not too hot?"

"It's perfect. Sinful, even. The water pressure at my place isn't nearly this good."

"You're welcome in my shower whenever you want, Kate," he replied, his voice a little higher than it had been.

Kate laughed. "Thanks for the invitation."

There was a pause. "I mean, after you're better."

"Got that too, Romeo."

"As long as we understand each other."

"Hmm," she replied, reaching for the shampoo, surprised to find that it was hers from home. And it was the cherry kind. Funny, that.

She finished her hair and shaved what she could reach before realizing that she wasn't able to turn off the water. "Uh, Rick?"

"Yeah?"

"Could you, um, turn off the shower and hand me a towel or something?"

She heard him moving and then the water shut off and there was a towel being placed on her lap. "Can't see anything, promise," he said.

"Thanks," she murmured, drying off as much as she could. But she'd need two hands to get up and…hell, this was so complicated. "Um, are you out of the stall?"

"Yeah."

"Okay, good. Close your eyes for a minute?"

"I've got a better solution," he said and she heard him moving toward her again.

"Richard Castle, you better not be…"

"It's a robe," he cut her off, his voice amused. "Stand up and slip into this. My eyes are closed."

She did, turning to find that he really was standing there, barefoot in a tee shirt and jeans, his eyes clenched shut comically, a robe held out for her in his outstretched hands. She smiled and slipped her arms through the sleeves, closing it with one hand as she turned. She stumbled and clutched at one of his arms with the other, gasping as pain shot through her abdomen. One of the bandages was pulling off, and it _stung._

He opened his eyes and met her pain filled ones. "You okay?"

"Bandage," she managed.

"Coming off?"

She nodded. "Stings."

"Okay, let's get you out and into the bedroom. Do you think you can wait to get some pants on and a bra? Then I can do the bandages and everything."

"Yeah."

He squeezed her elbow and then used his other arm to brace her other side. "Ready to walk?"

She nodded and tried to keep her breathing even as they shuffled out of the shower and through to the bedroom. Every single step was agonizing and stung and ached. She wanted the good feelings from the morning to come back, and instead she had tears at the corners of her eyes. He lowered her into an armchair she hadn't even realized was there. Then he grabbed pillows from the bed to prop her up and returned again with sweats and a bra.

He knelt and raised each of her legs gently, slipping her feet into the pants, his eyes watching her face, and not the glimpses of everything he could have been looking at. "Can you raise a little so I can slide them up?"

She nodded and took a deep breath, raising her hips an inch. He was fast, and had the pants up in an instant. It still hurt, and she felt a tear slip down her cheek.

"Oh hon," he whispered, leaning up to kiss it away. "I'm sorry."

She opened her eyes and met his gaze. "Thanks."

He squeezed her knee and then lifted the bra for her. "I'll close my eyes. Can you get out of the sleeves?"

She hurt and the idea of moving without help seemed like torture. If he saw her topless, what would happen? Maybe he'd make a joke, or ogle her? If there was still anything to ogle. She was underweight and pale and pasty and had a gruesome gash across her abdomen. Sexy.

But he was here, and didn't she trust him? "It's okay."

His eyes widened. "You're sure?"

She nodded. "I just…" she sighed and closed her eyes for a moment. She _hated_ this. She wanted to feel like superwoman again, not this crippled thing that couldn't even put on a bra and needed help getting to the bathroom and back. "I need you to change the bandages," she said quietly. "And until you do it…it hurts, Rick."

He nodded. "Then let's change these and get you somewhere comfy."

He stood and went into the bathroom, returning with a medical kit from the hospital. He flipped the overhead lights on and turned on the lamp next to the armchair so that the room was as well lit as the bathroom.

He knelt again and parted her robe. Kate kept her eyes on the far wall, her hands clenching and unclenching on the arms of the chair.

"I'm going to take the first one off, okay?"

"Okay," she whispered, gritting her teeth.

It hurt, just like it had in the hospital the previous morning. She gasped as he pulled it all the way off and the air hit the top of her wound, even stitched up as it was.

"Sorry," he murmured. "Next one."

It pulled her skin and she let out a strangled cry as the second, larger bandage came off. She only needed these super adhesives for two more days; after that, there was a lower risk of infection, and she wouldn't need the air seal anymore. But until then, God, it was torture.

"Last one, I promise," he said, squeezing her hand before moving to remove the last bandage.

She did cry out as it finally came off. She wished they'd just sent them home with what they'd used in the hospital. Rick's house was immaculate. And this extra protection was killing her.

"I'm sorry," he said, letting his hands fall to her thighs. "I'm so sorry."

She looked down and met his eyes, surprised to find them filled with anguish. "It's not your fault," she told him, finding that her breath was coming back.

"I don't want to hurt you. You've already been hurt so much," he replied, glancing at the ugly gash on her stomach, marred further by the deep stitches that held it together.

"I'll have an awesome scar," she joked, bringing a hand to rest in his hair. "Thank you for helping me."

He looked back at her. "There's nothing I'd rather be doing."

She smiled and they just stared at each other for a moment before he bent down and grabbed the antiseptic. "Does this sting?"

"No, thankfully."

He smiled and poured some onto the gauze before cleaning the wound. He waited a minute to let it dry before pulling out the new bandage. He covered her wound quickly, professionally.

"You're good at this."

"I make it my business to be good at the important things," he told her, looking up to meet her eyes after he'd closed the medical kit. "You okay?"

"I am," she smiled. "And I have to give you credit."

"Why?"

"You didn't once stare at my chest."

"I didn't know I was allowed to."

She laughed. "I didn't think you'd need permission."

"There are some rules that should probably not go unspoken," he shrugged, keeping his eyes trained on her face. "Though, I'm happy to ogle you, if you'd like."

"There's not much to ogle," she replied quietly. "Maybe in a few weeks when I've eaten more and gotten sun and…"

She tapered off as his hand came to cup her cheek. "You're gorgeous, Kate. Even wet and thin and hurt, you are stunning. And there's plenty to ogle. I'm considerate, not superhuman."

She laughed, feeling stupid for being so self-conscious. "I don't know if it's a thanks moment, but, uh, thanks?"

"Don't thank me for the truth," he laughed. "Now, can I help you into your bra and get a shirt on you?"

She nodded and together they got the robe off of her and she slipped into the brassiere, smiling as he clasped it for her, letting his hands trail over her skin as he pulled away. He kissed her cheek and then stood and took a shirt that he'd left on the dresser and brought it over to her. He helped her slip her arms into it and then squatted to finish the buttons she couldn't manage.

"More than yesterday," he smiled, finishing up the last three.

"It's still not all of the buttons on a dress shirt. That's not an accomplishment," she replied.

"It's progress, hon. And progress of any amount is good."

She shrugged. She understood, but she didn't really want to make a big deal out of how many buttons she could manage on a shirt, or how many steps she could take on her own. She wanted real things, tangible things, like how much weight she could life, or how many stairs she could run in heels.

"You'll get there," he promised.

"I know."

"You don't, but we won't argue that now. Now, let's get you to the living room. Do you think you can walk?"

"How else would I get there?" she asked, rolling her eyes.

He stood and just smiled at her before bending down and sweeping her up into his arms, bridal style. "Castle!" she squeaked.

He laughed. "Just for now. We'll walk around later."

"I don't need you to carry me," she groused as he walked them through the bedroom, into the office and out into the living room. "I could have walked."

He set her down on the couch and plopped down on the coffee table in front of her. "You would have been in complete pain the whole way."

"But I could have done it," she insisted, even as she sank heavily into the couch.

"But then I would have had to watch you be in pain," he said quietly. "And I just ripped bandages off of you and watched as I _hurt_ you. So, gimme this one? You can be stubborn later. I just need a break."

She met his eyes, feeling awed and overwhelmed. "Sorry I'm taking up your time," was the first thing out of her mouth. Shit. That wasn't what she'd meant to say.

His eyes dimmed but he just smiled. "You're not taking up my time."

"No, Rick, I didn't…I didn't mean that," she stumbled over the words. "I didn't mean that at all."

"You don't have to…"

"No, I do. You…and…" she took a breath. "You care about me."

"You know I do."

She shook her head. "No, you really care about me, Rick. And I just…I'm not used to having my pain cause someone else pain and…and it scares me, okay?"

He looked curious now—curious and adoring. "What does?"

She hadn't planned on having a big relationship conversation with him today. But, then again, she hadn't planned on being top naked with him between her legs either. "This," she whispered. "You caring about me and me caring about you, and one of us getting hurt. And you're being so amazing, and I'm snapping at you because I'm so damn guarded that I can't even control my own mouth. And I can't walk or eat or stay awake like a normal person, and you're here, taking care of me and I just…"

He leaned in and pressed his lips to hers, stopping her words and making her breath catch. It wasn't like their last kiss. It wasn't passionate and hungry and desperate, caught between pretend and so very real. No, this was tender and full of promise and so utterly terrifyingly amazing all at once. He pulled back after a moment that was too short.

"I understand," he whispered, stretching to press a kiss to her temple, and then her cheek, and then her nose. "I get it, Kate."

"I…" she stammered.

"I'm terrified too."

He pressed his forehead to hers and she took a breath, her thoughts going a mile a minute. He'd kissed her. He'd seen her naked. He'd kissed her. He was scared too. He'd kissed her. He loved her. He'd kissed her. "Rick, I…"

"I know."

"Let me talk, damnit," she muttered. He chuckled and nodded, pressing another kiss to her skin in encouragement. "I'm scared. I won't tell you often, because, well…"

"You're you."

"Yeah," she breathed. "But I'm terrified of it, Rick. All of it. You, and me, and us and the rest and the Captain and the boys and the sniper and your family and I just…I'm here and I can barely move and we're all in danger, and you're here with me and I…" she took a shuddering breath and was horrified to feel tears streaming down her cheeks again.

She felt him shift until he was beside her, and then he was moving her, laying them both down so that she was spooned against his chest, her head resting beside his. He pulled her back against him, careful to avoid her wound, keeping his arm high as he wrapped it around her. His lips pressed into her cheek and he wiped away her tears.

"Are you comfortable?" he asked.

"Yeah," she mumbled.

"We're going to make it through this, Kate," he told her, his breath hot against her ear. "We're going to figure out how to beat this, and we're going to take the bastard down. And we're going to get you better. And through it all, I'm going to be here with you, keeping you safe and holding you tight and telling you how amazing you are. I just need you to trust me to be here."

"I trust you," she whispered, squeezing his hand.

"Good," he kissed her neck. "Because I trust you too. We're going to make it."

She just nodded, unable to find words. He held her as tightly as he could without hurting her, and they just lay there for a long time, staring out at the room. She could feel him breathing and living behind her, feel his warm arm settled over her, hear his blood against the ear she rested on his arm. He was there with her. And she did trust him. It was the rest of the world that she had problems with.

The lock clicked and they both looked over as the door opened and Alexis came inside. Kate smiled at her until Lanie stepped through behind her. She and Rick froze as they watched the two women stop and stare at them on the couch.

"I," Alexis broke the silence, closing the door. "I met Dr. Parish in the hallway and invited her up."

"I called," Lanie offered. "We closed early, and I figured you'd want your stuff and maybe some catch up time?"

"Yeah, that's…that would be great," Kate smiled.

Rick shifted behind her. "I think I promised you a milkshake, did I not?" he asked her. Kate nodded. He gingerly sat them up and slipped out from behind her. "I'll go do that and you and the good Doctor can talk. Alexis, you wanna help?"

Alexis nodded and hung up her bag while Lanie came over to the couch. She sat down next to Kate and they listened as Alexis and Rick bustled around the kitchen.

"Katherine Beckett, you have some serious explaining to do."


	10. Chapter 10

**Title: Stand With Me**

**Disclaimer: I don't own **_**Castle**_**.**

**Summary: Shot, hospitalized and confused, Katherine Beckett wakes up to a changing future. Richard Castle wants to protect her, love her, save her. But there are things she must face, and she can't make him the promises he needs. Post-Knockout continuation. **

**Author's Note: Here is the 10****th**** chapter of **_**Stand With Me**_**. Thank you for sticking with this story so far, you guys. You're amazing.**

**Comments and reviews are always welcome, and make my sick self happy (I mean, really, if I'm going to have Mono, I wish I at least had a good story to go along with it. Provide me with one?).**

**Emma**

* * *

><p><strong>Chapter 10:<strong>

Come right out with it? Act cool? Pretend that absolutely nothing was out of the ordinary and deflect? Yeah, option three looked good. "Explaining?" Kate asked.

Apparently, Lanie wasn't buying it. "I come in here, a day after you get discharged, and find you cuddled up with Writer Boy? That's some serious explaining, Girl."

"We can't just lie around together? I'm not supposed to be up and doing much."

"Bumping shoulders on the couch is fine. Spooning with him holding you so tight I'm worried about that wound? That deserves dish."

Kate sighed. "He's just…he's helping me, Lanie."

"Helping you get your head out of your ass?"

"Lanie!"

"Don't 'Lanie' me, Kate. What's going on?"

Kate glanced back into the kitchen, where Rick and Alexis were quite involved with making milkshakes out of ingredients she didn't quite want to contemplate, by the look of Alexis' wild gesticulations. She turned to Lanie and found her waiting, eyebrows raised. "I don't know, Lanie."

"What? You don't know? How does that work?"

Kate shrugged. "I just…don't. Everything's _strange_. We're going about it all backward. It's not supposed to happen like this."

"Like what?"

"We're supposed to fight and argue and he's supposed to badger me into a date, and then I pretend that I'm not excited and we have a good time and we go back to my place, and it just…it's not supposed to be me crying and him helping me change bandages, and serious talks about our well-being and how we'd break if one of us died, Lanie."

She leaned over and squeezed Kate's knee. "Oh, Sweetie, I know."

"And I just, God, Lanie. He's been amazing, and I can't figure out how to talk about all of it, and most of the time he won't even let me. And I can't sleep, and I hurt and I just want to throw him on the bed, you know? But I can't, because I need his help just to sit up," she spilled in a fast whisper.

"I'm so happy for you, Kate," Lanie beamed.

Kate blinked. "Didn't you hear what I just…"

Lanie shook her head. "You're getting there. That's all that's important. The rest? You guys will figure that out."

"That we will," Rick proclaimed as he leaned over the back of the couch. "Your milkshake." He handed a tall glass to her and Kate took it with a small, dazed smile. Just how much of that conversation had he heard?

He sat down next to her and Alexis handed Lanie a shake before taking over one of the armchairs. "How are you today, Kate?" she asked, plopping her feet onto the ottoman.

"I'm feeling okay, Alexis. Got to shower, which was refreshing."

"You showered all by yourself?" Lanie asked, shooting a glare at Rick, who glared back.

Kate laughed. "I had help in and out."

"Uh-huh." Well, that calculating look was more loaded than before. Kate rolled her eyes. Like they were going to explain in front of his kid.

"How was school?" she asked Alexis.

"It was good. Everyone's antsy with finals coming up, so it's frenzied. Ashley's just got two, so he's pretty relaxed, and that's nice to have around."

"I'd bet," Kate laughed. "Having someone to balance the load is always helpful." Rick wrapped his arm around the back of the couch and she leaned into his shoulder almost unconsciously. Then the weight of her words hit her, the feel of his arm registered, and she noticed how both Alexis and Lanie were grinning at her. Abort. "How's Esposito?"

Lanie arched an eyebrow but let it slide. "He's fine. He and Ryan were on their way to interview a suspect when I cut out."

"New case?"

"Same one from a few days ago. They're close though. It's been slow at the Station. Lots of things are still spinning."

Kate nodded understandingly. "Have you had much contact with Raymond?"

Lanie lifted a shoulder. "She's professional."

"So she's horrible?" Rick asked, taking a sip of his milkshake.

Lanie drank a bit, weighing her answer. "She's cold. She's brusque, with us at least. But she's efficient, and she doesn't seem mean, just…business oriented."

Kate considered her. "Why do I feel like you're leaving something out?"

Lanie sighed. "She's been asking about you."

"My health?"

"No," she shook her head. "Your partnership. The case. Castle's involvement in our investigations."

"What kind of questions?" Alexis asked.

"Not bad, just probing," Lanie replied. "We're not worried, but, well, you guys should have a straight story when you're getting ready to come back. A list of closes and Castle's insights might not be a bad idea either."

Rick nodded to Kate's left. "I have the closes and insights logged."

"You do?" three sets of surprised eyes hit him.

"I'm a writer."

"That information was not necessary for Nikki Heat," said Kate. "And, on that note, it's all evidence that you shouldn't have sitting around."

"Password protected, backed up, and stored in my safe," he added smoothly. "But I have all of it, so we can present it."

"Why keep it?" Alexis asked.

Rick shrugged. "You never know when you'll need something."

Kate narrowed her eyes as she looked at him. "How much of it will you have to edit to remove things like, 'I told her so,' and 'Hah! I win?'"

He met her eyes. "It's a project I'll start tonight."

Lanie laughed, Alexis shook her head and Kate fought a smile. "See that you get to it."

"Drink," he said easily, bumping her cup with hers.

"What's in this, exactly?" Lanie asked, taking another sip with a smile.

"Ice cream, milk, a little vanilla, some cinnamon, cocoa powder and strawberries," Alexis replied. "I stopped him from adding fluff and syrup."

"And for that we thank you," Kate added. "They're great though. Thank you, guys."

"Any time, Kate," Alexis grinned. "Are you still up for a movie night?"

"Definitely. Lanie, do you want to join us?"

Lanie smiled. "I could do with a relaxing night, yeah. Do you want me to go and get food?"

Rick shook his head. "I'll grab it. I need to go shopping anyway. Speaking of, Kate, what foods do you want?"

Kate let her head fall back against his shoulder as she thought. "More jello, pudding. I liked the cream of wheat, so more of that too. You know my ice cream preferences. Can we do soup from the Chinese place? I'll just have the broth, but I would love Wanton soup. That would be wonderful."

He kissed her forehead. "Can do. Any other orders?"

Alexis smiled and Kate glanced at Lanie, who was watching her and Rick with the most tender expression. "Can we get pasta, Dad, to add to the soup?"

"Definitely," he smiled. "Doctor?"

"Whatever you're having is fine by me, Castle," Lanie replied.

"Alright. Well, I'll leave you ladies to it and do my shopping. You've got an antibiotic to take in about three hours, Kate. The two of you will remember?" he asked the group.

"I can remember on my own," Kate replied. She watched as Lanie and Rick exchanged glances. "Actually, Alexis, you remind me. Then they can't be smug."

Alexis laughed. "Will do. Now, get out, Dad. This is girl time."

He pouted but removed his arm and stood, walking around to collect their empty glasses. "Will I get to eat the meal I'll make with you, or am I banished all night?"

They looked among themselves and Kate cracked first. "You can eat with us, you big baby. Now shop."

"Yes, Master."

He swooped away and they heard the dishes clattering into the sink. They watched as he grabbed his keys and saluted before leaving the apartment.

"Master?" Lanie asked, smiling.

"Joke," Kate laughed. "But I kind of like it?"

"Careful, Kate, or he'll get the Genie costume," Alexis grinned. "Wouldn't put it past him."

"I'd pay big money to see that," Lanie chuckled. "Now, what movie are we watching?"

"Do tell," Kate added. "And get over here," she beckoned.

Alexis smiled. She stood and grabbed the remote before settling herself next to Kate, who put her arm around the teen. "Thanks for watching with me," Alexis said quietly.

"Honey, thanks for letting me live in your home."

Alexis shook her head. "We want you here."

Kate just smiled and ignored Lanie, who looked too choked up to comment. "So, what are we watching?'

"Have you seen _Tangled_?" Alexis asked shyly. "It's animated, but it's really fun."

"The one about the Rapunzel story?" Lanie interjected. "I've been dying to see that. Pick it."

Kate nodded and they squished around, laughing and talking through the film. Near the end, Rick came back but was surprisingly quiet, pausing by the couch only to press a kiss to his daughter's head and one to Kate's cheek. "Good choice," he said by way of greeting.

Then he was in the kitchen bustling around. They watched the seventh Harry Potter next because Lanie couldn't remember Ron's name, and Alexis deemed that unacceptable. Kate heard Rick laughing as Alexis passionately explained why Ron was so important. Lanie, to her credit, took it all in stride. Kate knew that she'd never read the books, but didn't share that one with Alexis.

Halfway through, bowls were presented to them, filled with soup. The other girls got noodles along with their broth, but not Kate. She got the bowl full of broth and an antibiotic. She was excited to have something warm and tasty, but couldn't help being a little jealous as Rick returned to the kitchen to grab his. She mentally slapped herself and took a sip, smiling. Rick came back with his own bowl and tossed her a packet of oyster crackers; she looked over at him and beamed.

"Doc says soggy bread is fine."

"Thanks, babe."

He smiled and they both turned back to the movie. Alexis burrowed a little further into her side and Kate hunkered down, enjoying the ease that floated around the room.

Kate finished her broth and crackers and set the bowl on her lap, reluctant to lean over and place it on the table. Lanie did it for her, placing both of their dishes on the coffee table before settling back next to her. Kate turned to look at her in thanks but found herself staring at a very excited Lanie Parish.

"What?" she mouthed.

"Nothing, babe," her friend grinned.

Kate blushed and resolutely turned back to the movie, Alexis warm on her left. She glanced at Rick and found him watching them, a small smile playing at his lips. Their eyes met and she returned his smile, content.

...

"Now, you call me if anything changes," Lanie told her later as they took a stroll around the apartment together, Kate leaning heavily on her friend. "And even if it doesn't, I expect a call explaining your pet names."

Kate felt her face heat up. "It's nothing, Lanie. He just…he started calling me hon, and I felt like I needed something to call him that wasn't _Castle_, since that's reserved for…ah," she felt pain shoot through her system. "Particular situations."

"Okay, let's get you back to the bedroom," Lanie steered them through the office and nodded to Rick, who was chatting on the couch with Alexis. "Do you need to go to the bathroom?"

Kate shook her head, gritting her teeth. She'd done so well for most of the day, and now it was biting her in the ass. Lanie helped her sit down and then lay back. She sighed heavily and shifted until the pain lessened. "Thanks."

"No problem, Sweetie. Now, I need to get going. You gonna be okay?" Rick appeared in the doorway. "You're gonna be fine," Lanie grinned, leaning down to kiss Kate's cheek. "You take good care of her, Castle," she said as they met each other, one walking out, the other walking in.

"Always," he smiled, kissing her cheek as she squeezed his arm.

Kate watched as Lanie left and Rick approached the bed. He sat down at her hip and she reached over and squeezed his hand while she took a few more deep breaths, the last of the pain leaving her system. "Hey," she said quietly.

"Hey," he replied. "You're due for a pill soon."

"Thank God."

"You did really well, though."

"Yeah. Better than yesterday, anyway. At least it's nearly nine tonight."

"We'll get you back to being totally unhealthy in time, Kate," he laughed. "Do you want food with it?"

She nodded. "Jello's fine. Just something to help it go down."

He patted her leg and stood. "I have raspberry or blueberry."

"Or?"

"Both it is," he grinned. "I'll send Alexis in to keep you company."

"You don't ha…"

"I just wanted to say goodnight," Alexis said from the doorway as her dad left. "Thanks for watching movies with me tonight."

Kate waved her over and Alexis took Rick's place. "I had fun, Alexis. I'm always happy to spend time with you. And hey, you're not getting in the way of anything but boredom."

"I'm glad. I'll try to think of other fun things to do. Any suggestions?"

"Movies, books and games are always good. And once I can be up a bit, we should totally take your dad out in laser tag."

"Definitely!" Alexis grinned while Kate stifled a yawn. "Okay, I'm going to let you sleep. But I'll see you tomorrow. I'm glad you're starting to feel better."

Kate squeezed her hand. "Me too, Alexis."

"Night, Kate," she said as she stood.

"Until tomorrow, Alexis."

The girl smiled and then disappeared, only to be replaced by her father, holding a bowl of jello and glass of water. "I see you've picked that up," he said as he handed them to her and then walked around to plop down next to her on the other side of the bed.

"Don't take it to heart," Kate told him as she took a bite. "This is great."

He smiled. "Glad you like it."

They were quiet as she ate and took her pill. She set the bowl down and then turned to look at him. He looked as tired as she felt. "You're sleepy," she observed.

He nodded. "Haven't slept that well."

She reached over and ran a hand over his arm. "Why not?"

He raised and eyebrow and caught her hand with his, bringing it to his lips. "Lot on my mind."

"Well, you've got a captive audience," she said, smiling. "Lay it on me."

He shook his head. "Not tonight."

"Rick…"

He pressed another kiss to her hand. "It's not about not trusting you, Kate. But you're exhausted, and I'm exhausted, and I just…I'm honestly too tired to explain the mess in my head."

"Okay," she whispered. She could live with that. He looked like hell, now that she was able to really look at him. "Um, I need to change and use the bathroom."

He was already up and at her side as she finished speaking. She smiled and then breathed shallowly as they sat her up and he helped her stand. "I want to stop hurting," she mumbled as she leaned into his chest for a moment, gathering strength.

"I want you to stop hurting too," he said into her hair. "Until then, just lean on me, okay? We'll get through this."

She pulled back and gripped at his arms, looking up into his eyes. He leaned down hesitantly, slowly, giving her time to pull away. She raised one shaking arm to place her hand on the back of his neck, encouraging. He smiled and went the distance, meeting her in another kiss that was full of promise and affection. She sighed and opened her mouth, delighting in the play of their lips and tongues and breath until her knees started to buckle. He pulled back and pressed a kiss to her forehead before cradling her to him, giving her support to help her stay standing.

"Wish…wish it was just from the kiss," she mumbled.

"Don't inflate my ego," he chuckled.

"Your ego doesn't need inflation."

He just laughed and looked down at her. "You okay?"

"Yeah."

"Maybe we should keep those activities contained to sitting or laying down," he suggested.

"Really? I'd pegged you for more adventurous than that."

His eyes widened. "Ha ha, very funny," he groused as she giggled. "But I meant that seriously, because you need…you know what? Come on, we're getting you to the bathroom so you can laugh at me in private."

She grinned and squeezed his arms. "Can't take a joke, Rick?"

He met her eyes. "Oh, my dear, you just wait until I can show you just how adventurous I am."

"And then what happens?" she asked, her voice lower than it normally was.

"Then, I make your knees buckle for real," he said, leaning down to tease her earlobe with his teeth. "But," he straightened up as her breath hitched, "now, I want to get you into the bathroom, into pajamas, and into bed so you can sleep."

She nodded and they hobbled to the door of the bathroom. He let go as she braced herself on the wall. He turned to give her privacy and she smirked. "You just wait until I can show you how adventurous _I _can be, Mr. Castle. Your knees will be the least of your worries."

She shut the door on his stunned face.


	11. Chapter 11

**Title: Stand With Me**

**Disclaimer: I don't own **_**Castle**_**.**

**Summary: Shot, hospitalized and confused, Katherine Beckett wakes up to a changing future. Richard Castle wants to protect her, love her, save her. But there are things she must face, and she can't make him the promises he needs. Post-Knockout continuation. **

**Author's Note: So this chapter is different. Kate's been there for two days now, and the happy little bubble's gonna have to start to pop. Right now, it's just a little tear. At some point though, that tear will have to grow. **

**Let me know what you think. I could use some perspective on it.**

**Emma**

* * *

><p><strong>Chapter 11:<strong>

"No."

Kate opened her eyes. The room was dim, weak light streaming in under the curtains. The bed was shaking. Why was the bed shaking?

"No, God, no!"

Rick. She turned her head and found him curled up in the fetal position far away from her. He was trembling, his face pale and covered in sweat, his hands balled up in the blankets.

"Rick," she whispered, her voice hoarse. She shifted and then grimaced as pain shot through her system. "Rick," she said again.

"Come on. Come on, Kate. Breathe, damnit."

"Rick," she called, finding her volume.

His eyes jerked open. He lay there panting for a long moment, staring at her, taking her in. She was stuck on her back, head turned to look at him. Slowly, she watched his breathing turn more normal as his eyes unclouded.

"Kate," he whispered. He sat up and scooted over to her, reaching out to run a shaking hand over her cheek. "You're alive."

She brought her hand up to lay it over his. "Hey there."

"You…" he swallowed. "Did, did I wake you?"

Kate blinked. "You were having a nightmare."

"Sorry," he said quietly.

Sorry? He was sorry? He'd just looked like he'd seen a ghost, staring at her like she was a miracle, and he was _sorry_? "Don't apologize," she told him. "Help me sit up."

"Oh, yeah, of course," he replied, quickly helping her shift up against the pillows.

She gasped at the pain but kept her breathing steady, waiting until it passed to open her eyes again. He was there, sitting next to her knees, legs folded up to his body, just watching her.

"I'm here, Rick," she said, reaching a hand out to lay it on his knee. "I'm alive."

"I didn't mean to wake you," he murmured.

She bristled. "So it's okay for me to wake you with a nightmare, but when you have one, it's a fault?"

His eyes widened. "No, I…"

"If I have to accept that you're here for me, then you damn well better get used to me being here for you."

"Kate."

"You don't want to talk to me about what's bothering you? Fine. But don't you dare close up on me, Castle."

He took the hand that she was fisting into his pajama bottoms and held it between both of his. "I'm not, I'm not," he said hurriedly. "I'm not closing you out."

"Then tell me about your dream or let me hug you or something," she replied. She was tired and sore and the internal editor she usually relied on seemed to have short-circuited. Hearing his dream hadn't been pleasant and she was honest enough to admit that she could use a hug just about as much as he could at the moment.

His eyes widened and he stared at her before he uncurled and scooted up on the bed, coming to rest right in front of her. He tentatively reached out and she curled into him as he hugged her.

"I'm right here, alive, okay?"

"I know."

"God, Rick, are you talking to anyone about this?" she asked as he shook slightly, his hands ghosting over her hair and back.

"I…you're here. That's all I need."

"Rick," she protested.

He drew back and met her eyes. "Nightmares, that's all, Kate. And I can tell you, seeing you on the other side of the bed, breathing and talking? That's enough for me."

He was telling her the truth. No shifty eyes, no avoidance—he thought it was enough. Was it? Was it her place to tell him to talk to someone? She was tired. She'd mull that over later. And so she nodded. "Okay. Then stop apologizing."

"You need your sleep…"

She shook her head. 'I need you' sounded a bit too desperate. It was true. That had been clear for a few days now—or months if she was honest. But when she said it, told him, she wanted to be able to toss him down on the bed and mean it in every sense of the phrase.

"I need you to be healthy too," she whispered finally. "I need to know that you're okay."

"You're the one that's hurt."

"Are you that dense?" she asked, flicking the back of his neck. "I may be the one with the wound but you went through it too. So cut the crap."

He chuckled. "You're getting better. You're feisty."

"I'm going to twist this ear if you say that again," she threatened, curling her fingers around his ear and tugging.

"Apples," he whispered, resting his forehead against hers.

She let her hand fall to his shoulder and listened as they breathed together. "Can you go back to sleep?"

"Dunno," he replied. "You?"

"I'm not tired anymore," she shrugged. It was true. She turned and glanced at the clock. It was nearing six anyway. "It's not that early."

He laughed. "Spoken like a Detective."

"Yeah well, Nikki Heat the scuba diver wouldn't have sold nearly as well."

"Scuba diver? Why scuba diver?"

Kate bit her lip. Unfiltered and random—her mind these days was a constant delight. "No idea."

"I'm totally writing that in," he chuckled.

"Don't you dare," she replied as he shifted around. "Uncomfortable?"

"I'm sweaty," he replied.

Kate laughed. "Nice to know you're aware of your own hygiene."

"Hey now, you got to be sweaty after your nightmare."

She nodded. "Go shower. I'll be here."

His face softened and he leaned in to press a quick kiss to her cheek. "Can I get you anything beforehand? Water?"

"Thank you."

He smiled and then released her, gently lowering her back to the pillows before hopping off the bed and scurrying out of the room to get her water. She settled back and just lay there, listening to the faint sounds of him rummaging around in the kitchen. What was he doing? She needed water, not a five-course meal.

He came back a few minutes later, carrying a bowl of yogurt and a large glass of water. He put them both on her bedside table and then leaned down to place his arms on either side of her.

"You call if you need anything, okay?"

Kate smiled and ran a hand through his hair. "Go shower, cave man."

"I like cave man," he beamed as he stood.

"Not using that. I thought you liked 'babe' too."

He turned just as he got to the bathroom and shot her the largest grin. "I love 'babe.' Cave man can just be for special occasions."

Then he closed the door and Kate heard him turn on the shower. She shook her head and reached over to pick up the glass of water. She was able to lift it to her chest and drink without shaking. No huge victory, but it was something. She placed the cup back on the table when she'd had her fill and then just lay there, listening to the sounds of the shower and the quiet hum of the city out the window.

She couldn't quite make sense of Rick in her head. He was strong, but obviously very troubled by everything.

_And we never talk about it. _

Should she push him to talk about it? Was she ready to talk about any of it? They were starting something together. Things had _changed_. For the better—things had changed for the better. But would that be enough? If they didn't get it all out in the open, would they fall back? Would there come a time when everything they didn't say came back to bite them?

She didn't even notice the shower shutting off. She looked up as the bathroom door opened and stared. Rick was walking out of the bathroom in a towel.

There were hundreds of times, every day, every hour, when she hated the fact that she was laid up in bed, wounded and hurting. Now, however, she hated it even more. Because he looked good, and carefree, and like _him_, finally.

"See something you like?" he grinned as he rummaged around in his drawers.

"Yes." Oh, that filter. She needed to fix that. Badly. She needed to fix that _badly_.

He turned back to her, eyebrows raised. "Oh really?"

He'd shocked the crap out of her when he'd come out like that—taken her out of deeper thoughts. And so she'd been too honest, and now he was grinning at her. But she was in control. She could be in control. She shrugged. "Eh."

"Eh?" he asked, scandalized. He sauntered over to her, dropping the clothes he'd collected on the edge of the bed. "Just eh?" he repeated as he came to stand at the head of the bed, looking down at her.

She considered him. He wasn't chiseled, the way others had been. But he wasn't over-weight either. He had definition in his chest—naked chest, right there. She wasn't going to think about what was under the towel right now. She really, really wasn't.

"You're good looking, Castle. You don't need me to tell you that."

He grinned. "I believe the words 'ruggedly handsome' have been used."

"Yes, they have. So you don't need me to stroke your ego anymore than it already has been."

Oh, the double entendre there. Maybe he'd let it go? "Oh, feel free to _stroke_ my ego any time, Kate." Nope. No such luck.

"I'm a little tired from the whole sitting thing, at the moment. But I'll get back to you," she replied sweetly.

His gaze went from wolfish to adoring in a moment, and then he was sitting next to her, towel and all. "You okay?"

Kate laughed. "God, the mood swings. Rick, I'm fine."

He raised one of her hands and pressed his lips to it. "Promise?"

She nodded. "I drank. I'm okay. I'll get to the yogurt after I get to the bathroom."

"Dying, or can I change quick?" he asked.

"Change. I don't know that I can stand the sight of you topless for much longer. Might be too much for my frail sensibilities," she replied.

He glared and then leaned in to capture her in an unexpected kiss. She squeaked—_squeaked_—and then pushed him away.

"Wh…what?" he asked.

"Morning breath," she mumbled.

"I brushed," he replied.

"I didn't."

"Oh."

"Right. Change, help me to the bathroom, and then maybe you get another chance."

He grinned and stood. "Challenge accepted."

"It's not a…" but he was already in the bathroom.

Kate sighed and listened as he hummed, loudly, through the partially closed door. Life with Richard Castle was going to be interesting. He started humming his theme song. And irritating. Life with Richard Castle was going to be irritating.

….

"So, level with me," Kate said as she and Alexis lounged on the couch that evening.

"About what?"

"Ashley."

Alexis turned to her, surprised. "What about him?"

"Your Dad mentioned that you were thinking of following him to Stanford in the spring?"

"I'm not _following_ him to Stanford," Alexis sighed. "I'm…I want to go there. It's a great school. And since I can graduate early, I might as well, right?"

Kate shrugged. "I guess."

"I mean, it's got great programs."

"In what?"

Alexis blinked. "Sorry?"

"What do you want to study?"

"I…you know, lots of stuff."

"Like?"

Alexis narrowed her eyes. "Did my Dad put you up to this?"

Kate snorted. "Alexis, when have you ever known your father to control anything I do…except pills and just about everything right now," she added, raising a hand to stop Alexis' knowing look. "He didn't put me up to _this_. What is 'this,' anyway?"

"The trying to talk me out of going to Stanford early, talk. Gram and I already had it."

Kate shook her head. "I'm not. I'm actually just curious. I never looked at Stanford." Alexis didn't need to know that Kate herself wasn't hugely thrilled with the idea of Alexis doing anything because of a boy, no matter how great Ashley was.

"Why not?"

"Well, I didn't have the grades, first off," Kate laughed.

"You went to NYU."

"Right. NYU is a great school, but it's not Ivy League."

"Still," Alexis replied. "You went there. It's awesome."

"I know," Kate smiled. "I just want to know what Stanford has that Oxford doesn't, or Princeton, or Harvard, or Yale, or Columbia."

Alexis settled into the cushions next to her and fiddled with the blanket they'd tossed over themselves. Kate could hear Rick tapping away in the office, where he'd shut himself in an hour ago in a fit of inspiration. Though, whether it was really inspiration or an attempt to escape the conversation Kate and Alexis were having about Robert Downy Junior was debatable.

"It…it's got great writing programs and a fantastic science department," Alexis said quietly. "But they're not any better than anything you just said."

"So, is it the beach? I bet going to the shore is amazing in the fall and spring."

"Yeah, it probably is," Alexis replied.

"Hey," Kate nudged her. "What's wrong?"

"Promise not to tell my Dad?"

"Are you pregnant?"

"What?" she shrieked. "No!"

"Then yes, I promise not to tell your father."

Alexis laughed, her face going from timid to relaxed. "Ashley will be there."

"So it's about the boy, then?"

Alexis nodded and then shook her head. "I…it's complicated. I mean, it has great programs, like I said. And I bet I'd love it there. And I'd get to leave school early, which would be great, since I kind of hate it. But…the biggest draw is Ashley."

"Understandable."

"But is it a good enough reason to pack up and leave?"

Kate considered her. "How long have you been having second thoughts?" Alexis shrugged. "Lex?"

"Since you got shot," she replied softly.

"Hey…"

"No, I mean…I just…family's important. And you guys would be here and I'd be there and…and it's not far away, you know?"

Address the fear? Get to the family part? Cry a little because this amazing kid considered her part of her family? Kate took a breath. Fear first. "Alexis," she took the girl's hand. "We're going to be okay."

"Things are bad," she whispered. "You were napping, but Esposito came, and I know Dad's going to tell you later, since he won't talk about it in front of me, but things are _bad_, Kate."

Killing Rick was now on the list of things to do before bed. "Things will get better."

"And if they get worse and I'm gone? And then I come back and someone else has been shot?" she asked, staring ahead. "I can't do that again."

It seemed like their happy little bubble was losing air. "Alexis, have you talked to anyone about this?"

She nodded. "Dad's got me in therapy already."

"Oh."

Alexis turned to look at her. "I'm okay," she smiled. "I just…I have different priorities now than I did a few weeks ago."

"Alexis, I don't want this to get in the way of your life. It shouldn't."

"I know. And it's not. I can have the same education right here in New York. And then I'd be here and I could see you and Dad and Gram all the time."

"Is that what you want?" Kate asked.

"I don't know."

"You don't need to know, right now, you know," Kate offered. "I didn't know at the end of my junior year of high school either."

Alexis nodded. They sat quietly for a minute. Kate's mind was going a mile a minute, running between the troubled teen on her left and the man in the office who was keeping things from her.

"Hey, don't kill Dad, okay?"

"Excuse me?"

"He really is going to tell you. I could see it, when he was in here. But, I'm here, so he's waiting. Don't kill him. Knock some sense into him, since I heard what Esposito had to say—or enough of it to get a general picture. He can talk to you about this stuff in front of me, and then you won't want to kill him."

Be mature or grill her for information? Kate mentally whacked herself. Maturity. She had to be mature. Damn. "He just wants to protect you, Alexis."

"I know," she sighed, scrunching down on the couch and laying her head on Kate's shoulder. "It's that annoying Dad thing."

"Annoying is one word for it," Kate chuckled.


	12. Chapter 12

**Title: Stand With Me**

**Disclaimer: In real life, you get fired if you don't write the next episode.**

**Summary: Shot, hospitalized and confused, Katherine Beckett wakes up to a changing future. Richard Castle wants to protect her, love her, save her. But there are things she must face, and she can't make him the promises he needs. Post-Knockout continuation. **

**Author's Note: I'm sorry for the delay, my dear readers. There's a lot going on in my life, and I had a lot of trouble getting this chapter to work. I'm also working on a new story, **_**Of Finding Innocence**_**, and it's kind of consumed me I will finish this story, I promise you that, but it might not be as regular as it's been. But, I have this, and well…no more disclaimers. Here it is. **

**Emma**

* * *

><p><strong>Chapter 12:<strong>

Alexis abandoned Kate for homework an hour later, and Kate sat there, staring at the door to the office. Rick knew things she didn't, and her restraint was wearing. She deserved to be kept in the loop. He should have woken her when Javier arrived, wound and healing be damned. This was _her_ life, and _her _case.

Slowly, she lifted herself from the couch, pausing once she was standing to grip at the back of the it, her breath coming in short gasps. But she'd stood up alone; that was something. When the pain had dulled from a stab to its ever-present ache, she shuffled one foot in front of the other and made her way to the office. It was slow and painful and part of her was keenly aware of the fact that any argument she made to be included could be voided; she could barely walk seven feet alone. How would she catch criminals?

But she ignored the reason and reality and pushed the door open, leaning heavily against the door frame, staring at the man behind the desk, his eyes glued to the laptop suspended on his knees.

"Tell me," she said quietly. She didn't want to beat around the bush—didn't want to give him time to avoid it. He owed her answers.

"Kate," he replied, jerking his head up to look at her. "Hey. Alexis leave you for the books?"

"Tell me," she repeated.

"Wait, did you walk here alone? Kate, you're not supposed to be up without someone there," he continued, shifting the laptop to the desk and standing quickly.

She glared at him, but then her energy betrayed her and she swayed against the wall. Her damned body. He was at her side in an instant, wrapping an arm around her waist and taking her weight as she began to crumple. Her God damned body.

"Come on, let's get you back to bed."

"No," she hissed. She wanted her answers. She didn't want to let her stupid injury get in the way. "Tell me."

"Tell you what, Honey?"

"Don't you 'honey' me, Richard Castle," she replied, even as she had to lean into him and clutch at the back of his shirt. Her body may be weak, but _she_ wasn't. "Tell me what Esposito came and told you this afternoon, when you didn't wake me."

She felt him stiffen against her side and then he let out a sigh against the crown of her head. He was silent for a minute, before he took a resigned breath. "Let's get you into bed, and then you can grill me within an inch of my life, okay?"

"Castle," she growled.

"And we're back to Castle. Okay, come on, Kate," he said, his voice heavy and low. "Just let me get you back into the bedroom."

"Castle…"

"No," he said. "God, don't you get it, Kate?" He gently tugged her from the doorway and forced her to shuffle toward his bedroom. Her feet followed willingly. Her God damned, treacherous body. "You're hurt. You're _really_ hurt, Kate. Give up just that control. I'll let you yell. Hell, you can punch me, but just…You can't go backward just because you're mad at me," he continued as they crossed the threshold to his room.

"Let me?" she replied, hearing the sting of her own voice. But now she was angry. "I'm not some marionette. You don't _let_ me do anything." They got her to the bed and she collapsed, his arms lowering her down as she breathed heavily. This was unfair. It was all so God awfully unfair.

They settled her against the pillows at the head of the bed, his jaw tight, and her breath ragged in anger and exertion. He stood and they stared at each other. But there was no interrogation table in the room. Rick wasn't a suspect. Kate wasn't a Detective. Here, she was broken and he was whole. She was in the dark, and he had the only light in the room, but he hadn't turned it on. He knew things he hadn't told her; he'd kept things from her.

"No," he expelled it on a soft, reserved, restrained breath. "I don't _let_ you do anything, Kate. You do it all on your own. You always have. You pushed me away, but I came back. And damned if you're going to do it again now. You cannot do this on your own," he said, his eyes hard.

"You're keeping things from me," she countered. She had to keep control of this conversation.

"You can't even walk from this bed to the living room!" he exclaimed. "God, Kate. You're _hurt_. There's more important things for you to focus on right now."

"No," she shook her head vehemently, ignoring the pain. "I want to know. I deserve to know. This is my _mother_, Rick. This is my life you're keeping from me."

"I'm not keeping it from you! Esposito came over to tell me that they'd found a record for files taken out of the stacks 17 years ago."

"By whom?"

He met her eyes. "Kate, please."

"No, Castle. Tell me! I want to know. I'm stuck here. You've got me here. I'm not able to leave and do it alone. So at least keep me in the loop. I'm not comatose. I'm here, and awake and alert. Tell me," she argued, her voice sharp. She needed to know. She needed to be part of it, whether or not he thought she was ready. "You know. I know you do. I can see it."

"I want you to get better," he replied, his voice suddenly soft and pained. "I want you to heal. If I tell you, you're going to jump on it. You're going to want to go out and take him down."

"You know who it is?" she gasped. "You know, and you haven't told me?" Something had broken. Was it trust? Was it her faith in him? Was it her heart? Something. He'd just broken something, but it hurt too much to try and figure it out, not when she had answers to find.  
>"I was waiting until you were stronger," he told her. "We've already got the FBI on it. Jordan's doing what she can."<p>

"You got Jordan officially involved?" When had the wool been pulled over her eyes?

"That was today, Kate. All of this was today. It hasn't been weeks. I haven't been hiding it from you."

"The hell you haven't," she growled. "How long have you had a name?"

He sighed, his body deflating, and he sat down on the edge of the bed. He was silent for a moment, his hands clenching into fists in his lap. He looked up and met her eyes. "About a week ago, I got an envelope in the mail, addressed to me from Roy Montgomery," he began, wetting his lips. "Inside, there was a simple note that gave me the name Alfred Stinson. With it were the bank statements that Roy had signed, sending him checks every year—blackmail."

She blinked. "Alfred Stinson?"

"He was an assemblyman at the time of your mother's murder. Before that, he worked on the former Mayor's campaign. That was when he found out about the kidnappings."

"What is he now?" It sounded so familiar, and Kate found that her anger had given way to rampant curiosity.

"He's the Secretary of State," Rick replied. "He's got his hands in everything, Kate, down to the Precincts. There's someone watching everything that happens to you, to the 12th, to the boys."

Kate took a breath. A name—she had a name. "And, did he? Was he the one who…?" she couldn't finish the question.

"He took out the hit on your mother, and her colleagues, yes," Rick replied quietly. Why didn't he sound triumphant? "But he didn't act alone, and we're not…we're not sure that he's the head of it."

"But he's the point guard," Kate shot back. "And we can't take him out?"

Rick sighed and placed a heavy hand on her foot. "We…Kate, I talked to Jordan, and we're not sure what happens if we do."

"What do you mean? Why?" He looked troubled and worried and Kate felt foreboding settle in the pit of her stomach, taking place of the small well of hope that had begun. The name wasn't a victory. The name wasn't the end. It was just another piece of a puzzle.

"Kate, his connections…you were shot at Roy's funeral. Jordan's trying to get a track on his financials and associates, but it's like punching a concrete wall. He's protected. He's running the State, for God sakes."

"So that's it? He wins?" It felt like she'd been socked in the gut. Was he giving up?

"No," he shook his head. "We just…Kate, if we take him out, it might set something in motion that's bigger than even Jordan can handle on her own."

"Rick," she breathed, "Tell me."

"I don't know, Kate," he whispered. "I don't know, and Jordan doesn't know yet. She's looking into it. That's what Javi came to tell me. She's been in contact with them; they found the records that validate the letter Roy sent me, but that's as far as they've gotten. Raymond's got them working three cases."

"And Raymond?" she asked, feeling that tingle—the tingle of evidence, proof, information dancing at the edge of her fingers.

"We don't know," he replied. "We just don't. She replaced Roy on the day of, like it was already cued up."

"So you think?"

"We don't know," he repeated wearily. "And I was going to tell you as soon as I heard more, but…I'm guessing Alexis mentioned it?"

Kate nodded. "She wanted me to convince you to talk about it around her," she told him. She wasn't angry anymore. She wasn't anything. She felt numb. He looked defeated and tired and so unlike himself, and it just pushed the fight out of her.

"I can't," he murmured. "I can't let her know more than she does. We're all in danger. The less she knows, the better." He met her eyes. "And it's killing me, Kate."

"Why didn't you tell me sooner?" she whispered, watching as he let his head fall forward, looking down at his lap.

"To protect you. To let you heal. To keep you safe—lots of reasons, Kate. But it doesn't even matter," he looked up and met her eyes again. "You can't do anything. _I_ can't do anything. All we can do is wait for Jordan to call again."

"When was the last time she called?" she asked, going for the information, rather than battling about his skewed priorities and the 'protection' he felt she needed. They could duke that out later. Maybe they wouldn't even bother. She knew now. And he looked so very ragged that she barely had the will to bring it up.

"An hour ago, while you were watching TV with Alexis," he replied. "Nothing new. Her Tech team is trying, but it's slow going, and they have to be very careful."

Kate suddenly had an image of Jordan sitting on her daughter's bed, tucking her in. "How much danger does this put Jordan in?"

He shook his head. "I don't _know_. God, Kate, I don't know anything."

"Hey," she watched as he screwed his eyes shut. "It's not up to you, Rick."

He opened his eyes and the pain there made her lose her breath. "I couldn't keep you from getting shot. I had to run us away from Roy. I have to let Esposito and Ryan run around with marks on their heads. I can't guarantee Alexis' safety. I can't keep Mother locked up. I can't promise that Jordan won't end up dead for this. Kate, I _need_ to be in control of something."

"You don't have to do this alone," she managed. He looked trodden, and low, and guilty, like it was all somehow his fault. "And none of this is your fault, Rick."

"I opened the case," he whispered.

"What?"

"I opened the case back up," he replied, his voice stronger, yet weaker and broken. "If I hadn't opened it, none of this would have happened. Hell, if I hadn't started shadowing you, none of this would have happened."

No. He didn't get to regret the last three years. He didn't get to sully them that way. "Rick," she whispered, waiting until he raised his head to look at her. "This. Is. Not. Your. Fault."

"But I…"

"Did you really think that I never would have touched it again?"

"You said…"

"I know. But you _know_ me, Rick," she told him. He did. She'd lied the night she'd sent him away. He knew her. He knew her better than anyone. "I would have opened it. Maybe it would have taken years, but I would have. And I would have figured it out. Raglan would have contacted me regardless."

"But…"

"And where would I have been then?" she asked him. "What if they'd just shot me instead? What if Coonan had gotten away? What if Lockwood had killed Roy anyway? You can't think that none of it would have happened, Rick."

"But you can't know that it would have," he countered. "You could have just let it go, gotten on with your life. Roy would still be alive. And you'd be whole, and I…"

"I don't regret the past three years." She held his gaze and tried to show him what he needed, whatever it was, whatever she could give him. "I don't regret meeting you. I don't regret having you shadow me. I don't regret _any_ of it. And if you do, I don't want you here," she finished.

His eyes widened. "No, no, Kate." He considered her for a moment before he was moving, coming to sit near her hip, his hands coming to cradle her cheeks, his breath erratic. "I don't regret _you_. I just…this thing we opened, Kate, it could get us all killed."

"You better not be giving up on me, Castle," she whispered. "Because we're going to win," she added, throwing his words back at him. She wanted that back. She wanted his confidence back. Without it, it felt like the world was starting to crumble, and she needed it to be whole. Otherwise, how would they survive?

"Kate," he breathed.

"No. I need you to believe in it, Rick. Come on. What about magic and prophesy and fate?" she begged.

"I thought you didn't believe in magic," he replied, his eyes searching hers.

"But you do. And that's enough, right? Magic works for both of us as long as you believe," she said, smiling, trying, hoping.

"I don't…Kate, I…"

She brought her hands up to cover his. "If you give up now, how the hell am I supposed to boss you around from the couch and solve this? I need my Partner, Rick."

"Kate, you can't help m…"

"Yes I can," she cut him off. They could do this. They'd done it before. "We stopped a bomb, Rick," she told him. "We stopped a bomb, and caught Scott Dunn, and stopped a government conspiracy. We've done a lot, Rick. We can do this."

"I want to believe that," he replied. "But I just…This is why I didn't want to tell you."

She blinked and searched his eyes. "What?"

"Because when you didn't know, I could not know too, you know? I could just put it all away and tell you everything would be okay, because I…I was hiding, and I'm sorry."

She squeezed his hands. Her anger was gone, replaced by a very deep ache at seeing him so defeated. Part of that ache was fear, because if he, Richard Castle, the man who believed in UFOs and had a crazy theory for everything, didn't think they could win, maybe they couldn't. And a world in which they lost was bleak. Hell, in a world in which they lost, they were all dead.

"Don't be sorry," she murmured. "Help me fight."

"Kate," he sighed. "You can't fight. Honey, you can't even walk," he whispered, his voice hoarse.

"Your laptop and phone work just as well on this bed," she argued. "I don't need to walk. I don't need to leave. We can do this right here. Jordan can come here. The boys can come here. But I'm fighting this, Rick."

"Kate."

"You said always," she whispered. "I said always."

"I meant it," he rasped.

"I did too. So help me make sure we get that always." She squeezed his hands, waiting, hoping. He needed to want to fight. He needed to want to win this with her. She needed him. She knew that now.

"Okay." It was faint, and small, but it was there.

She let go of his hands and wrapped her arms around his shoulders, pulling him to her. He came willingly and pressed his mouth to hers. It was desperate and primal. It wasn't tender. It was a promise, a need.

When they broke apart, he rested his forehead against hers, running his fingers over her cheeks.

"You will tell me when you're tired," he whispered. "You will tell me when you hurt." They weren't questions, or suggestions. They were statements. "You will let me help you."

"I promise," she replied. "You will tell me everything. You will let me talk to Jordan."

"Kate."

"Promise me," she demanded.

"I promise," he sighed. "But you have to promise to heal, no matter what. Even if he shows up at our door, gun in hand, you have to stay down."

"What? Rick, how can you…"

His gaze stopped her. "I watched you die once, Katherine Beckett. I can't do it again."

"Rick, I…"

"Promise me," he asked her. His voice was hoarse and tight. "I can't lose you again."

"But if I'm down, who's going to protect you?" she asked. God, how could words seem so inadequate? She had to protect _him_. He was her responsibility, hers to protect.

"I may have your gun," he replied, his face cracking in a tired smile. "And we both know I'm a good shot."

"This isn't funny, Rick," she snapped. "I…"

"Am going to collapse and hurt like hell tomorrow if we don't stop fighting," he told her. "I protect you. You solve this case. And after that, I promise, you can beat up anyone who comes within ten feet of me."

That wasn't good enough. "That's not…"

"Kate," he cut her off and she resisted the urge to pinch his ear. "We cross that bridge when we get to it."

"No. You don't get it, Rick," she tried.

"Oh, Honey, believe me," he leaned in and captured her lips in another kiss, this one passionate and hungry. "I do get it. I get it so much," he whispered as they pulled apart. "Because if it would hurt you even half as much as it hurt to watch you fall, I get it."

Kate felt herself nodding even as she wanted to scream and kick and cry and fight for the right to be healthy. But she wasn't. She was wounded. She hurt.

She gasped. Oh, God, she _hurt_. Now that they weren't fighting and she was focused on more than their words and his eyes and his hands, she felt it again. It burned and the bandages pulled and her breath was coming in short gasps again.

"Okay, Kate, breathe," he whispered, pulling back to get a clear look at her. "Tell me what hurts."

"Wound," she hissed. "The bandages."

He nodded and rubbed his hands up and down her arms as she tried to regulate her breathing. "We can take them off and use the normal ones now," he soothed. "I can do it right now."

"Please," she replied, not caring that she was hoarse and pleading. It _hurt_. How had she ignored it for so long?

He stood and closed the door quickly before striding into the bathroom to get the medical kit. Kate watched him, trying to focus on his movements and not the pull of the adhesive and the sting of the pain. She could do it. She grit her teeth and he came out of the bathroom, carrying a wet washcloth and the kit. He placed it on the nightstand and then sat back down.

"Let's get your shirt off," he murmured, laying the wet cloth in his lap, ignoring the water that seeped into his pants as he reached for her.

She leaned forward into his arms as he unbuttoned the few buttons of her shirt that were closed and then slid it from her body, his lips pressed to her temple. Then he shifted her back and she sank into the pillows.

"Hopefully this will loosen the adhesive," he told her as he laid the warm cloth over the bandage. "I'm sorry we didn't do this sooner."

"Too busy fighting," she replied, giving him a small smile. "We're good at that."

He chuckled and ran his fingers up and down the top of her thigh. "Yeah, we are."

They sat in silence for a few minutes. Kate just watched him. He was relaxed, but still not fully comfortable. He might never be, not until they solved the case and everyone was safe. She hoped he'd talk to her—hoped that she wouldn't have to fight him to let her fight for them.

"Ready?" he asked, removing the cloth. She nodded and took a breath as he pulled the first bandage from her skin. It still hurt like a bitch, but the cloth had helped it. "I'm sorry," he whispered as she gripped at the sheet and clenched her jaw against the pain. "Only one more, and we never have to do this again," he told her. "Ready?"

She gave him another jerk of her head and he ripped it off, clean and fast. She did cry out at that, biting her lip afterward as her eyes glistened. But it was over. They didn't have to do it again. She looked down at him. Thank God they didn't have to do it again; _His_ eyes were moist.

"I'm okay," she whispered, reaching out to cover the hand that had fallen to her side. "Really."

He met her eyes. "You're not. But you will be."

"There's the man that believes in Santa Claus."


End file.
